Warum deine Mutter Deutsch spricht

This upcoming Sunday is Mother's Day in the United States. In recognition of the holiday last year, a local church displayed the following message on its message board: "God couldn't be / everywhere / so God made mothers / German speaking."

This explains why your mother speaks German.


The church in question has an evening German-language service, and the advertisement for that service juxtaposed against the Jewish proverb produced an unexpected result.

Comments (18)
  1. AsmGuru62 says:

    So, "GOD COULDN'T BE EVERYWHERE" is a Jewish Proverb?

    That explains the Golden Calf, I think.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I thought omniprescense was a defining characteristic of God (at least the Judeo-Christian variety).

  3. Random User 2389547 says:

    @Anonymous: That was always my perception as well, until someone pointed out to me that the Bible mentions places where God is not. But that was a long time ago, so I will leave it as an exercise to find the relevant passages. Personally, I like to stick with my original perception.

  4. SimonRev says:

    Meine Mutter spricht aber kein Deutsch.

  5. JM says:

    God could not be / Everywhere / Make sure / The same goes / For your hair / Burma-Shave

    Disclaimer: not an actual slogan.

  6. Snark Maiden says:

    wait, God was behind Lebensraum? wait, how do I make this not break Godwin's Law…

  7. Bob says:

    @Random User 2389547

    The Bible doesn't support the idea of God being everywhere. Take a look at 1 Kings 8:43, Matthew 6:9, and Hebrews 9:24.

  8. Anonymous Coward says:

    @Random User 2389547: True, but even so omnipresence is part of central doctrine in most mainstream faiths. But in my experience arguing such things isn't very effective, since there are several good roads open to a seasoned apologist. For example, plugging his ears while chanting la-la-la, or simply deciding on the spot that an omnipresent god isn't *his* True God, or explaining that those verses aren't to be taken literally, or the plain old ‘some things we just weren't meant to understand, son’.

  9. Neil says:

    My mother speaks German at times other than 5pm on a Sunday too…

  10. Adam says:

    While I'm not at all religious, this church often has very creative signs that I can appreciate. Last night it was: prayer – wireless access to god with no roaming fees.

  11. JM says:

    @Adam: and depending on your prayer book, you're usually stuck with a single provider?

  12. Mike says:

    God not everywhere: as mentioned by several people: bible does seem to make references to heaven being where God dwells, Jesus being in God's presence etc. That said if God is omnipresent than heaven would also be his dwelling place, going there would be in the presence of God. Doesn't explicitly say that going somewhere to be in God's presence means you weren't already. A lot of traditions get added on from outside of the bible though. My guess: christians trying to sell their God over roman gods started saying "my God is bigger than yours" sort of like children on a playground arguing about who's father can beat up the others.

  13. anonymous coward says:

    My mother always speak german "wenn sie mir mal wieder die Leviten liest".

    But what should I do, I wish I had listened to my mother.

  14. JamesNT says:

    A the location of a former employer, I walked up to another white man and, shaking his hand with a smirk on my face, said to him, "Hello, Uncle Tom."  Several black people that overheard, but did not necessarily see, the exchange became instantly offended.  

    Little did they know that just three days ago my mom married his brother and had gone off to the Bahamas for their honeymoon.


  15. Gabe says:

    I want to know why mothers only speak German at 5pm on Sunday.

  16. cheong00 says:

    @Gabe: I don't know… perheps God only couldn't be everywhere at that time?

  17. Ray says:

    @Gabe: Because that's special mommy/daddy time.

  18. Mark S says:

    Wait, what?  An embedded image in Raymond's blog?!

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