Why seventh grade students want to go to weddings


My friend the seventh-grade teacher is getting married this summer, and when her students learned about the impending nuptials, they couldn’t contain their excitement.

The students asked her if there was going to be a chocolate fountain. Because you can’t not have a chocolate fountain. When they learned that, no, there will not be a chocolate fountain, the students lobbied hard for her to reconsider and please, you have to have a chocolate fountain. The concept of a fancy party without a chocolate fountain defied comprehension. I mean, isn’t a chocolate fountain the definition of a fancy party?

Naturally, the students also wanted to be invited as guests. They are after all, the people the teacher spends the most time with, right? They shared so many experiences: They went on field trips together, they cheered when the school cross country team defeated its longtime rival, they were even there for the great Fire Drill of February ’08. How could they possibly be left out?

The reasons for wanting to attend were different between the boys and the girls. The boys were basically in it so they could camp out by the chocolate fountain and nibble on sweets all day. The girls were drawn in by the opportunity to witness the pageantry of a wedding, the bride in a beautiful gown, the romance of exchanging vows with one’s True Love. Oh, and then to camp out by the chocolate fountain and nibble on sweets all day.

Comments (22)
  1. Nathan_works says:

    An in-law of mine married a woman, W, a few years ago. W’s mother(a real piece of work) did not contribute towards the wedding. Yet she insisted, violently, that there be a punch bowl fountain, and refused to attend if there was no fountain.

    There was a fountain.

    And to be extra parvenu, what type of chocolate is in the fountain ?

  2. Simon says:

    what type of chocolate is in the fountain ?

    Google suggests: usually, a chocolate-flavoured "coating syrup" consisting of Vegetable oil, polyglycerol polyricinoleate, high fructose corn syrup, and, if you’re very lucky, a little cocoa powder…

  3. Natasha says:

    So did the 7th graders end up getting invited?!?

  4. Nathan_works says:

    Simon — exactly my point ;)

    Like the old Breyer’s Ice Cream ads (no gootube links from here, sorry) with the two little kids tying to pronounce the ingredients on the label of a "competing brand."

    poly– poly– poly .. yeah..

  5. Robert C. Barth says:

    Just what every wedding needs: 30 12 year olds hopped-up on sugar (oops, I mean high-fructose corn syrup). Yeah, that wouldn’t be a zoo.

  6. Jonathan says:

    About the last paragraph: It starts way earlier than 7th grade. In my cousin’s wedding, one of the girls invited was so excited about the dress and the ceremony that she took the veil afterwards and wore it for the rest of the night. The girl was 4.

  7. Robert: That’s why rope was invented.

  8. mike says:

    C’mon, kids at a wedding are a blast. For one thing, they offset the crazy, uptight family (like the lady Nathan describes). If a wedding reception isn’t about multi-generational fun, what IS it about?

  9. fersis says:

    ‘That’s why rope was invented.’

    *ding ding ding , we have a winner here !

  10. Grant says:

    Robert,

    My math says 30 kids in each period, with 6 periods a day = 180 kids.

  11. John says:

    A wedding is also a good opportunity to see a man’s balls ripped from his scrotum.

  12. Tanveer Badar says:

    That’s what wives are here for. Always.

  13. Well…all I can say is if the cost of the wedding is per person (as most seem to be) 180 students can add up real quick.  Not to mention having the added responsibility of supervising that many kids one ones own wedding day.  Too much trouble, methinks.

  14. Alex says:

    We had a party with a chocolate fountain.

    We tried to put, I dunno, chocolate in it, with the result that it gummed up and just kinda oozed and spat everynow and then.

  15. Mark Baker says:

    You put /what/ in a chocolate fountain? That sounds disgusting.

    The only time I’ve used a chocolate fountain we followed the instructions, and used a tiny bit of vegetable oil and vast quantities of chocolate. Admittedly it was only Cadbury’s Dairy Milk rather than proper chocolate but it still sounds a lot nicer than all that syrup stuff mentioned here.

  16. So what says:

    That’s why rope was invented.

    You don’t think a mass lynching would spoil the atmosphere?

  17. Carl says:

    You don’t think a mass lynching would spoil the atmosphere?

    The wedding itself is the main lynching, these would just be the side show, perhaps interval entertainment?

  18. Well, the teacher is the bride that the 7th graders have spent the most time with. They may have been taken when very small to the weddings of the younger of their parents’ generation, and when somewhat older to weddings of parents’ younger co-workers. But in no case would it be somebody they’d spent 150 hours with over eight or nine months.

  19. I dunno what you guys in the states get in your chocolate fountains, but over here in the UK we have a specially blended belgian chocolate which contains no vegetable oil for smoothness – it’s done using cocoa butter.  Something like this, although there are a few different manufacturers.

    http://www.gilesandposner.com/chocolate.htm

    I think most chocolate in the states contains vegetable oil anyway because it’s a lot cheaper.

  20. Erin Ptah says:

    Mr. Chen,

    You probably don’t hear this much any more, but I’m trying to track down the complete Romana ‘n Dave series.  The most promising lead I’ve found is a Usenet post you made in 1991 (which should tell you something about how well my search is going).

    Do you still have the series?  If so, can you send me the files?  If not, do you have any suggestions on who I should ask?

    My email is sailorptah at yahoo dot com.  Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated!

  21. but I’m trying to track down the complete

    Romana ‘n Dave series

    You mean this?

    http://cs.felk.cvut.cz/pub/humor/romana_n_dave.txt

  22. Erin Ptah says:

    @Kevin Provance: That’s the one!

    I’ve found copies of episodes 1-11 online, along with references to at least 44, so I’m still hunting for the last 33.

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