Martha, Martha, Martha!

Martha Stewart was in town this past weekend signing her book on baking. Although I'm a Martha fan, I didn't attend the signing because I already have a really awesome book on baking. I've listed below some of the ground rules for the book signing, mixed in with some stuff I just plain made up. Your mission is to pick out which of these rules are for real and which are fake.

  1. Martha Stewart will sign only the baking book. No other books or memorabilia.
  2. Do not make eye contact with Martha Stewart.
  3. Do not speak to Martha Stewart unless spoken to.
  4. Do not ask Martha to write anything other than her name.
  5. Do not take pictures of Martha Stewart.
  6. If Martha Stewart becomes angry, curl up into a ball and cover your head with your hands.

You can check your score on this web page.

Comments (17)
  1. HA HA HA says:

    do not ateptmt to fead marta stweart!

    stay in teh landrovar at al times!

    make no suddan movmants!

    remebar — u are entarign her habatat whe’re she is at teh top of the food chhain. treat htis magnifacant creture with rsaspect an she wil tolarate ur presance.

    lastly <em>for gods sake no flashbulbs!</em>

  2. Dr Pizza says:

    Martha Stewart is pretty hot.

  3. Trey Van Riper says:

    Do not taunt Happy Fun Martha.

  4. Merle says:

    Heh, got them all right, although I personally think the wrong ones are the cream of the crop…

  5. says:

    OK, I’ll play:

    1, 4 and 5 seem reasonable though a little unfriendly to those who are her fans.

    6 is a rule, but only applies to her staff. ;)

  6. Mike says:

    It wasn’t hard to figure out which items were real.  The point of a book signing is to sell the book and to a lesser extent market the author.  Anything that gets in the way of that or takes control away from the marketing firm running the show is not allowed.

  7. I like "The line will start forming at 10:00."

    I wonder what the penalty is for line-forming at say, 9:45?  What happens if no one wants to line-up until say, 10:45?  

    What’s the BFD about autographs anyway?

  8. Brian says:

    it gets you more money when you sell it on eBay

  9. PMY says:

    I didn’t see them mentioned, but I’m sure there are a couple rule like "Do not ask why Martha Steward got just a slap of the proverbial wrist for insider trading." and "Do not ask if she realized that keeping ImClone would have made her more money than she lost from the scandal."

    P.S. Is it just me or does she remind you of "Mom" from the show "Futurama?" — nice old lady on the outside, but, well, if you watch the show, you would know what I mean…

  10. ChrisE says:

    "Do not taunt Happy Fun Martha."

    Rats!  Somebody beat me to it!

  11. Michael says:

    "it gets you more money when you sell it on eBay"

    Because every author keeps track of which books they’ve autographed there will be no possible fakes for sale!

  12. Rick C says:


    no, because if it says "To Bob, Love, Martha" instead of "Love, Martha", the value is lower.  If it doesn’t have a name on it, a buyer can pretend it was signed for them.

  13. Mark Steward says:

    PMY, Martha who?  Oh dear – 53,300 hits for the misspelling.  My name is sullied forever.

    I’m sure she’s lovely really.

  14. "Ms. Stewart will sign her name only and will not be able to personalize copies."

    I can understand she’s unwilling to personalize copies.. but not able to?  Has she lost the ability to write anything but her name?

  15. Dr Pizza says:

    "I didn’t see them mentioned, but I’m sure there are a couple rule like "Do not ask why Martha Steward got just a slap of the proverbial wrist for insider trading." "

    She wasn’t sent down for insider trading.  She was put away for lying to the government (or "obstruction of justice" as they call it).

    The government tried a civil suit for insider trading, but it was thrown out of court.  The claim was unsubstantiated and unproven.

    So ultimately, she was imprisoned for lying about something that she didn’t do wrong.  Which is pretty absurd, really, as there was evidently no obstruction of justice.

  16. Vince P says:

    Re: DrPizza’s statement.

    I wonder where all the Clinton defenders are to chime in and say perjury is no big deal. Everyone does it.

    My opinion on this matter is that if Martha was a man, they would have never gone after her.

  17. Dr Pizza says:

    It wasn’t perjury (lying under oath) because she wasn’t under oath.  It was obstruction of justice.

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