Well, as i’ve posted before. I have been off from work since the end of Jan on short-term medical leave. The issue was mainly a little “mini-burnout” i was going through in regards to being overworked and other issues going on at home (such as a recent move, my wife’s illness, …)
So after about 5 weeks now, i’m still feeling really cruddy. Well the interesting thing is that with the anti-depressants, instead of just feeling more normal, i’ve gone more into a yo-yo phase. Kinda hyper for a few days, then pretty down for the next few days. Guess the extra stress and burden of trying to sell our townhouse with the financial strain it has caused isn’t helping. Doesn’t also help that thishas pretty much crushed my reserves and cash-flow which is severely impeding my publishing business. You know, the whole “gotta have money to make money” thing. Sheesh.
Anyways, my therapist found it somewhat wired that I have been cycling up and down like this so he sent me back to the Psy which has prescribed the anti-depressants. So after more evaluation he came up with a diagnosis which (after some online reading) may explain several things in my life over the years. Probablyh what was the key factor (or at least pointed in the right direction) was the quick up and downs I have been having since I have been put on the anti-depressants. After more discussion with the doctor, it was concluded it was very likely that I was Bipolar. Apparently anti-depressants can push milder bipolar cases into a form or rapic-cycling mood swings.
I was skeptical at first. And as most people, assumed that bipolar (or manic-depressive) was the typical crazy mania <-> suicidal depressive type symptoms. Well I have a friend in California who is more of a classical bipolar and always assumed that’s what it was. Well this level of symptoms is classified as Bipolar 1. But there are other lesser variations such a Bipolar 2 and Cyclothymic. In these variations, the cycles are more like “hyper productivity” followed by “mild depression / lack of interest”.
Looking back at my life, I can definetly see such a pattern. And probably one of the reasons why a large portion of Bipolar 2 sufferers go undiagnosed is that the extremes aren’t that extreme. And as I always though “well, people have good weeks and bad weeks”. But in hindsight, most people only have bad weeks when they are either sick or something bad happened. And since the extremes are never that bad, most people never go see a doctor about that.
I guess in my case, the high productivity and stress in the past few months, just lead me to a deeper depressive cycle, from which I couldn’t seem to get out of. So I will now start taking some mood-stabilization meds. Hoping that it will either confirm of debunk the diagnosis and hopefully make me feel more normal.