Ode to Word


Ode to Word

One of my coworkers received this from a friend. The author is the friend’s daughter. I thought you’d all enjoy this, so I got permission to post it.

Enjoy,
Rick

 
Ode to Word
By Rebecca Smith

My word!
It’s Word!

Wow,
Look at that shiny blue thing that’s the title
I think it’s a W
But it looks like
Either Arabic or Elvish.

Project Gallery.
Sounds interesting.
Pre-made budget documents?
What if child care isn’t in my budget?

So I click on Newsletter.
My word, this is a gallery.
I’m stuck between “dragon” and “formal”
Ok, “formal”

Intriguing.
It seems I have a “Newsletter Wizard” at my disposal.
Theme? well I wanted “Automotive”
But now my titles have gone blank
So perhaps I’ll choose
“Construction zone”

my word!

It does look like a construction zone
a graphical one

no
I think my spelling is fine, thank you
Word is spelled word
and I don’t HAVE to capitalize the first letter
it’s a poem for cryin’ out loud!
my word.

Perhaps a blank document.
How is the default font Times in 12?
Don’t you know that it’s impossible to see
Times in 12?

There

Helvetica in 14 will do
No
Even though you,
Oh mighty Word,
Are licensed to William Smith
I do not mean to type William Smith
Every time I type “will”

My word,
It seems it KNOWS
That I NEED
Times in 12
But I don’t

Let’s see
There’s gotta be a way
To turn some of this stuff off
Perhaps I will ask the little animated computer in the corner
The one who’s rearranged himself as a Rubic’s cube…

My word!
I don’t care what you say
But it’s about as slow
Typing-wise
As my grandpa’s little Macintosh Classic II
1993!
In that
It still has to think
Before you change stuff
And there’s a delay
From when you push the key
To when you see the letter

My word, look!
If I just type
To w
It gives me the option of writing
“To Whom It May Concern:”
which is handy
’cause I use that phrase
so often

is it true
that it takes Tools
out of the Toolbar
if you don’t use them often?
What is the point of having a Toolbar
If there are no tools in it?

But of course!
What I REALLY want
Is for my headings to print bigger
Than they appear
So that they’re cut off
And for my pictures
To all move 2 inches
Towards the top left-hand corner
And for my I’s
To always be automatically capitalized
Which is sometimes helpful
Unless you’re typing in a foreign language, or gibberish
When you need a lot of
UNCAPITALIZED,
UNAUTOFORMATTED,
UNAUTOCORRECTED
i’s

My WORD!
Who
Got paid
To think up
The name WORD?
They were thinking
Which WORD best describes a WORD-processing application
And they thought up
WORD
My WORD,
Could you use a dumber WORD
Than WORD??????

 

Comments (7)

  1. Word Clippy says:

    "Could you use a dumber WORD

    Than WORD??????"

    My Documents, Yea, thier mine!

    Opps, who is this in info, William Smith?

    not mine, sob… at all!

  2. Edward says:

    I was trying to find this page again on google, but it does not seem to have been indexed yet.

    Anyway it did bring up another similar poem.

    Ode to Word

    Doing things in Word is easy they say

    But after working with it, I don’t see it that way.

    Someone has decided just how things should look

    After searching and searching, there’s no clue in the book.

    I finally, after hours, get things just where I want

    And when I look back, where it was, it is not.

    I look around, and as I’m beginning to rage,

    I find the copy — Word made a new page.

    I didn’t ask it to alter my copy or think

    But the wizard did this without even a wink.

    So I look in the book and follow directions

    To keep Word from making unwanted corrections.

    But nothing does work as the book says it will.

    The frames and their copy won’t seem to stay still.

    They jump around for no rhyme and no reason;

    Try as I might there is no way to freeze’em.

    But I, who can make PageMaker and Quark jump through hoops

    Find Word undecipherable and made up of loops

    That allow copy in frames to jump all over the place

    And move in a flash into undesigned space.

    So it is thus that much of my time is wasted

    On documents where parts don’t stay pasted

    In this program I find to be so absurd;

    Known to all as Microsoft Word.

    Jacque, Foreman Graphics – c1999

  3. mschaef says:

    Sorry for the off-topic post, but is there a blog like yours from someone on the Excel team? More generally, is there a good list of the other Office blogs?

  4. Rick Schaut says:

    I know of no Excel bloggers, Mac or otherwise.

  5. Rich says:

    Not necessarily from MS, but this is perhaps the best Excel blog (also, now featuring some of Excel’s best gurus as guests):

    http://www.dicks-blog.com/