I’ve had data days like that…

Brian Walker has a good pair of articles on Thou Shalt Nots™:

I had the chance to examine three business databases in five weeks and I’m still staggered by what I found. These are SQL Server databases serving as critical business foundations for companies generating millions of dollars in revenue per year. Every day, hundreds of employees are counting on these databases to deliver accuracy, stability and performance. Personally, I would not trust these databases to store a simple catalog of the 2,600 songs on my iPod. SQL Server database design disasters: What not to do (Part 1)

If any part of his article makes no sense to you, please do NOT participate in data modeling activities. Really. For the good of the children. Just don’t.

If he’s describing YOUR database project, I just want to say: “You’re doing it wrong!”

Do not assume that a typical DBA is a database developer. They are not the same thing. Their work may overlap somewhat, but they need different skills. SQL Server database design disasters: How it all starts (Part 2)

If your database developers are ALSO your production DBAs: “You’re doing it wrong!”

[Thanks, Brian. You’ve helped me added at least two new questions to my list of things to ask future employers before I take a new job…]

FOTR, if anybody writes new, untested SQL queries against a production database to gather reporting data for management, or you don’t have a change management process for production, including a runbook describing normal operating and HA/DR procedures, etc, then: “You’re doing it wrong!”

Props to Steve Jones and the crew @ http://www.sqlservercentral.com/ for linking up Brian’s great articles, or it might’ve been even longer before I noticed them.

For a humorous analogy about “doing it wrong” that you could use this XKCD comic to create an “HR incident” or “career limiting move.” You’re on your own if you run afoul of the analogy police.