My proposal for an episode of the new Star Trek series


There's a new Star Trek series starting up. Here's my proposal for an episode:

The crew discover a long-dead planet. The away team manages to figure out how the the extinct civilization's computer systems work. They power it on and find it's filled with cat videos and the occasional bottle flipping video.

The end.

Comments (24)
  1. Boris says:

    Cue in TNG synthesizer music (preferably from early season one) designed to evoke wonder at the infinite diversity and similarity of sentient experience.

    1. Christoph says:

      That sounds like something Deepak Chopra would say… :P

  2. Rob Y says:

    Earth cats or alien cats?

    1. Boris says:

      Undoubtedly the alien equivalent of cats as CG creatures (if it were TOS/TNG, they’d either assume that alien cats look like Earth cats, or maybe dress up a real cat).

    2. Yukkuri says:

      Don’t get me wrong, I love cats, but they clearly are all aliens.

      1. alegr1 says:

        Cats are vengeful a-holes.

  3. Tymme says:

    Why would you want aliens to find an old computer system? Independence Day taught us that alient technology runs on Mac OS.

    1. Simon Clarkstone says:

      I don’t know why people keep thinking this. It was surely a virus custom-written to target the alien computers, using the 50 years of research into the crashed craft at Area 51.

      Still, to write a virus that easily, the alien networks would need to have low security, analogous to how a user’s processes or the objects in a SmallTalk VM can just jump in and start debugging or mucking about with each other. I guess the aliens have a really cooperative society that never had hackers?

  4. AsmGuru62 says:

    The end came too quick – no conflict / resolution.
    The videos were so cute – crew stopped performing their duties.
    Only cold Vulcan mind can help them now!

  5. Yukkuri says:

    Bottle flipping video?

    1. Brian says:

      Try googling “Bottle flipping video” on your favorite search engine (Google, Bing, whatever)

  6. Nico says:

    In Trek episodes which talk about trading/stealing the “entire Federation cultural database”, I always used to wonder if that included romance novels and the like. Nowadays a better question is indeed just how many gigaquads of cat videos it contains.

    1. Boris says:

      A cultural database would be something like the Internet Archive.

    2. ErikF says:

      Apparently the Star Trek universe only has a finite number of copies of information, so uploading is a scary proposition because you’ll lose your copy when you do so!

      1. BZ says:

        Only when the plot requires. If the plot requires the opposite, there are backup copies of the holographic doctor easily obtainable. Also, it’s not specifically a Star Trek thing. It’s a general movie/TV thing, though I think now that technology is more popularly understood it seems to have stopped.

      2. pc says:

        In a significant amount of sci-fi (many episodes of the various Star Trek series included), transferring data to somebody else does mean that the sender doesn’t have it anymore, unless explicitly copied. One can only assume that in the future, government-mandated DRM influences hardware and software to a greater degree than we ever expected…

    3. DWalker07 says:

      Not gigaquads, but jigawatts. Get your terms straight!

  7. Al go says:

    And then the reveal: a buried statute of liberty with just the top peaking out. It’s us!

    1. Muzer says:

      YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! GOD DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

  8. Dave says:

    I’ve got an idea for a similar one: The crew discover a long-dead planet. Upon landing, they contract an alien disease which the Enterprise’s well-stocked medical bay easily deals with. The rest of the episode is taken up with the guys holding a belching competition.

  9. Stephen says:

    In the last scene they discover the half burried statue of liberty. Noooo!

  10. Henri Tuhola says:

    They will find out that the implicit date conversion in an excel sheet was the only thing that kept them from inventing the warp drive.

  11. Dave Bacher says:

    They could spend half the episode finding one device with enough of the codecs to play them, the other half juggling extensions and browsers until they actually get the videos to play. Troy can discover porn, show it to Riker. and then there can be a camera dissolve.

  12. Azarien says:

    And the Red Shirt doesn’t die? That’s no Star Trek! ;-)

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