Wow, it’s been a long time since my last rant against food products that are offenses against nature. Today’s rant is against Bagel-fuls, a product which Kraft launched in April 2008.
Bagel-fuls (note the hyphen and the lowercase “f”) are a dense, doughy material formed into a log shape, with a cream cheese filling. Think of them as Twinkies, but with cream cheese instead of a sugar cream filling, and with a dense, doughy substance instead of whatever alien material it is they make Twinkies out of.
The great thing about this product is that it is an attempt by Kraft to learn its lesson from a previous failed bagel-like product: The Philadelphia To Go bagel, a package consisting of a frozen bagel, a one-ounce tub of cream cheese, and a plastic knife. For people who are unable to remember where they kept their cream cheese (hint: the refrigerator) and knives (hint: cutlery drawer).
Apparently, Kraft’s conclusion was not that the product failed because it was too stupid, but rather that it failed because it was not stupid enough.