I want to take all your chocolate milk


My older niece visited me at work one day, and I got her a carton of chocolate milk, which she very much enjoyed. Some days later, she told me, "I want to go to your work."

"Why?" I asked.

"I want to take all your chocolate milk."

Missing from the story is that upon returning home after that first visit, she told everybody about her awesome visit with her uncle, and that he even got her a chocolate milk from the refrigerator. "And the chocolate milk is free, you can just take it!"

Her uncle (not me, a different uncle) told her, "Then you should go there with a knapsack and take all the chocolate milk."

That uncle is clearly a troublemaker. I'll have to keep an eye on him.

Comments (17)
  1. Adam says:

    Well, a free system without rules is begging to be abused :) its actually a consumer life-lesson, so in a roundabout-ways this uncle is passing down good advice.

    Unless of course they aren’t actually free and he is unknowingly encouraging theft.

    Did you pay for it without her knowing?

    [Microsoft, as a rule, tries not to hire dishonest people. -Raymond]
  2. Kemp says:

    Someone somewhere is paying for it either way. Abuse of the system is (morally if not legally) theft then. Of course, if she has such cravings for chocolate milk then there could be a temporary insanity plea if it is not provided… ;-)

  3. Tim says:

    I worked for a company many years ago that worked with Microsoft, so I occasionally had to drive up to the Redmond campus. Every time I did so, my co-workers insisted I take a backpack to get them chocolate milk. Our office had free soda, but no free dairy…

  4. Brian says:

    Tell your niece to get an Internship then; the Interns pull those kind of antics semi-regularly (although they seem to favor the soda more, and rarely take ALL the soda).

  5. Barry Kelly says:

    There are no dishonest people, only dishonest actions. Some people have mental disorders, but I don’t think dishonesty is the right diagnosis.

    Systems lend themselves to certain kinds of use. Well-designed systems self-regulate – they have feedback mechanisms which push against abuses.

  6. Kemp says:

    "There are no dishonest people, only dishonest actions"

    And the people who carry out those dishonest actions would commonly be referred to as dishonest. It’s a strange view to say that any dishonest action is the result of a mental disorder…

    Anywho, that’s far too serious a topic for such a light-hearted post.

  7. breqwas says:

    All of your milk are belong to us!

  8. Daniel Plainview says:

    I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE.

  9. John Vert says:

    Wait until she figures out the Starbucks machines also make hot chocolate.

  10. Gabe says:

    It’s not like he’s really telling her to steal chocolate milk. He’s just playing a trick on her — there’s no way she could actually take all of the chocolate milk. Even one recently-filled-cooler’s worth of chocolate milk wouldn’t fit into her bag. Let alone that each floor has several coolers, each building has several floors, and there are dozens of buildings.

  11. steveg says:

    I’ve worked with any number of people over the years who take toilet paper home (unused, I hasten to point out).

  12. edgar says:

    The trick is as usual to make a high quality product (at home).

    1. Use fresh milk
    2. Make a lot of milk froth

    3. Make a cat shape with chocolate powder at the top.

    Bonus: Tell her that the other uncle makes young playing dogs.

  13. Toukarin says:

    Being a Chinese myself, this almost stinks of those cheapskate employees (sweeping statement: usually mainland Chinese by observation) who’ll actually wipe out all the drinks / food / alcohol / what-not from the common office pantry (meant to be shared / consumed in office), and bring them home for personal consumption.

    These people are just selfish idiots who’ll exploit anything for personal gain.

    And yes, you’ll definitely have to beware of this uncle and possibly re-educate your niece before things get worse.

  14. Adam G says:

    Good Lord, is there *anything* Raymond can post about that you lot won’t nitpick? It’s a cute story about his niece. Lighten up!

  15. Voo says:

    Am I the only one who thinks that the uncle was just joking and not prompting her to break into MS to steal all the chocolate milk?

    [I thought it was obvious that the uncle was just messing with my niece. I’m surprised how many people are as naïve as my niece! -Raymond]
  16. weloytty says:

    I work at MSFT too, and my kids are convinced that I go in and drink chocolate milk all day.  They’re convinced I have the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD.  (I do, but it is not because of the milk)

  17. Cooney says:

    [I thought it was obvious that the uncle was just messing with my niece. I’m surprised how many people are as naïve as my niece! -Raymond]

    They’re not naive, they’ve just met some sketchy people.

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