The world’s worst celebrity recasting of the American version of Harry Potter

After the first Harry Potter movie came out, I decided to come up with the world's worst celebrity recasting of the American version of Harry Potter. (Because as we all know, foreign movies don't do well in the States; they have to be remade with an American cast.) It's not so much a dream cast as maybe a nightmare. Some of the choices are inspired; others are inspired lunacy.

Gryffindor House
Harry Potter: Adam Sandler
Ron Weasley: Ron Howard

(Backup: David Caruso)
Hermione Granger: Debra Messing
Ginny Weasley: Molly Ringwald
Neville Longbottom: Drew Carey
Ravenclaw House
Cho Chang: Lucy Liu
Hufflepuff House
Cedric Diggory: Ted Raimi
Slytherin House
Draco Malfoy: Ricky Schroeder
Crabbe: Matt Damon
Goyle: Ben Affleck
Hogwarts Staff
Dumbledore: Jack Klugman
McGonagall: Angela Lansbury
Snape: Keanu Reeves
Hagrid: Mr. T
Quirrel: Greg Proops
Lupin: George Clooney
Gilderoy Lockhart: William Shatner
Trelawney: Julia Roberts
Madam Pince: Christine Baranski
Flitwick: Danny DeVito
Other Students
Fleur Delacour: Reese Witherspoon
Viktor Krum: Luke Perry

(Backup: Matthew Perry)
Harry's Family
James Potter: Michael Richards
Lily Potter: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Sirius Black: Viggo Mortensen
Vernon Dursley: George Wendt
Petunia Dursley: Amy Sedaris
Dudley Dursley: Abraham Benrubi
The Dark Side
Lucius Malfoy: Phil Donahue
Peter Pettigrew: Gilbert Gottfried
You-Know-Who: Leslie Nielsen
Comments (32)
  1. Bill says:

    A few good chuckles, then I burst out laughing at Shatner. Thanks.

  2. Heinz says:

    LOL Very nice! But Raymond, is that hotlinking I see?

  3. Neil says:

    Heinz, that’s called leeching, and at least two of the sites are actively blocking it (although I have leeching disabled on my browser by default, so I had to enable it to see the other images).

  4. Richard Avila says:

    I guess the blog software doesn’t allow Raymond to upload images.

    Nice choices, by the way. :]

  5. I was surprised to learn that Viggo Mortensen is from New York. I had thought he was from New Zealand.

    The only one of these that I noticed is not from the United States is William Shatner. However, he’s still an American, as he’s from Quebec.

  6. Oops! I found one…

    Angela Lansbury is from London, England, not the Americas.

  7. Andrew Lim says:

    LOL @ your choice for Voldermorte.

  8. waleri says:

    You’ve got Ron Weasley right, I’ll tell you that :)

  9. PatriotB says:

    Hahaha. Too funny. :) Especially since I just saw HP4 last night.

  10. I said "the American version of HP" not "the version of HP starring only Americans". My rule was that I had to choose people who were well-known in the States.

  11. Gilbert Gottfried as Wormtail: <em>genius.</em>

    And Viggo Mortensen is who I’ve had in my head as Sirius Black since I first read Prisoner of Azkaban. My HP-crazed girlfriend thinks I’m insane. After this post, I’m not sure she’s wrong.

  12. Vorn says:

    If I were casting it, I WOULD use Shatner. I think he’d take to the part like a duck to water. :)


  13. Helpful Tip says:

    Raymond, leeching (displaying images that you are not hosting) is both rude (because you are running up someone else’s bandwidth bill) and reckless (because the people hosting the images can replace them with whatever they want).

  14. Personally I think that Mrs. Lovett would make an AWESOME Professor McGonagll.

    Americans seem to believe that Angela Lansbury is only the Murder She Wrote lady, without realizing all the other amazing roles she’s played.

  15. Btw, Valorie disagrees with me on the McGonagall thingy, she thinks Angela would make a better Sprout.

  16. wes says:

    Harry Potter?

  17. Francis says:

    Not that I dislike him (I absolutely loved "Parker Lewis Can’t Lose" when it was on) but are you sure he’s got the "most Americans would know him" cred that the rest of your stars do?

  18. Personally I think that Mrs. Lovett would make an AWESOME Professor McGonagll.

    Americans seem to believe that Angela Lansbury is only the Murder She Wrote lady, without realizing all the other amazing roles she’s played.<

    How true that is. You could also say the same about the principals and/or guests in most any episode of Law & Order, through which Sweeney himself and at least two Mrs. Lovetts have passed. Attend the tale… (especially the more recent "in concert" recording)

  19. Chris Robinson says:

    You have a few here that aren’t Americans, or at least weren’t born in the US. Leslie Nielson, William Shatner, Keanu Reeves were Canadian at one point or another. There are probably others here that don’t fit. I guess close enough.

  20. But Dudley is supposed to be blond…

    (Oh, never mind)

  21. I agree that Abraham Benrubi is not as well-known as the others but (1) I like his work, and (2) I was desperate. If Dudley has to be blonde, then may I suggest as an alternative: Madonna.

  22. tricey says:

    OMG!!! Reeves as Snape!!!!!!!! Arrgghhh!!1 too funny!!!!

  23. Jack Vickeridge says:

    Lucy Lui! That’s just wonderful.

  24. Fun images at

  25. Dan Sylveste says:

    There’s nothing wrong with linking to images that aren’t hosted locally. You’re not ‘running up’ their bandwidth bill anywhere more than you would be if you linked to their site directly and assumed a reasonable proportion of users clicked the link, for one – and secondarily it’s a second’s work to enable referrer-validation therefore it’s a reasonable assumption to make that if there is no referrer validation, it’s okay to use and link to the images.

    Remember when hyperlinks were all about ‘the freedom’ of the internet and about ‘distributed content’ and ‘sharing’ and now they’re just an excuse for people to bitch and go ‘me me me my bandwidth?’

    Perhaps just remotely replicating an entire site is a bit rude but as most of those images come from different sites, there’s no problem unless you are mad.

  26. William Shatner as Gilderoy Lockhart is inspired to say the least… *lol*

  27. Chris Maddocks says:

    I think this is spectacular. You may have a second career as a casting director ahead of you!

  28. :: Wendy :: says:

    But what are Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Merryl Streep, Jack Nicolson and Robert Di Niro going to do? Surely we should at least approach them for roles?


    Clint Eastwood would be my choice for Dumbledoor.

    Perhaps Quentin Tarrentino aas director.


    can we recast some more films pleaee, this was FUN

  29. Let’s not forget:

    Screenplay by George Lucas

    Directed by Richard Linklater

    Music by Marc Shaiman

    Songs by Elton John

    Choreography by Susan Stroman (for the all-new musical numbers!)

    Executive Producer: Michael Jackson

    Distributed by Buena Vista Pictures

  30. beti says:

    what?? matt and ben crabble & Goyle? what are you thinking!!

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