Microsoft Employee Sighting?

An unidentified creature was sighted in Grand Rapids, Michigan last week at the offices of Microsoft Gold Certified Partner, Sagestone Consulting, Inc. The creature, unofficially logged as a Microsoft employee, was witnessed by dozens of people during its brief visit. Lee VanWagner, Vice President of Product Development for the Robertson Research Institute, said that he and several other RRI employees had seen an average height, slightly intelligent, but otherwise overconfident pale-colored male lurking in the corner of a meeting room.

"It startled all of us. We were in the middle of a presentation when we noticed it out of the corner of our eyes. It had a very distinct grunt and seemed to be mumbling something about 'web services,'” recalled VanWagner. Fellow attendee, Rob Cecil, noted that he had seen the creature for only a few seconds before it stood up and bolted from the room: "I'm just glad that it didn't turn violent. I think it was overwhelmed by the lack of technical content during the meeting and looked for the quickest means of escape." Fortunately, Dr. Mark Bates of RRI was able to snap a photo before it scurried off.

Police and other officials say that they have no plans to search for the creature. A department spokesman reported that there were no unexplained blips on local radar screens nor abnormal electrical activity in the area. He said that the department would investigate, but he knew only what had been reported. He said he was curious about a witness who described the creature as looking like a Microsoft employee. However, on further observation by industry experts, it was noted that the creature was wearing a suit and tie, a fact that all but eliminates this remote possibility.

If anyone has any information about the identity or whereabouts of the creature in the photograph, please contact your local authorities. If approached, use technical terms to calm it down and begin talking about .NET or C#.

Comments (3)
  1. Eric Maino says:

    Mike.. I must say, very nice post.

  2. Jeff Parker says:

    Being that this unidentified creature is there at the Sagestone offices, where the West Michigan User group meets. I suggest a special notice on the monthly meeting mailer.

    WARNING!! Unidentified creature that you have all seen occasionally stop by user group meetings may now be slightly insane or up to a more sinister purpose. This creature that we normally placated and fed with Pizza, Caffeine, and code has been seen wearing a suit. This is a serious problem as wearing a suit can sometimes lead to thinking like management or even worse marketing. While I know we fed the creature and cared for it and scratched it behind the ears. It is time we put it out of its misery, please bring wiffle bats, Nerf Guns (Rapid Fire only), and any other geek weaponry.

    This creature is a slippery thing, it has been dodging board meetings in favor of tech ed and Microsoft meetings. Also, its general appearance may vary from the aforementioned suit to jeans, sweat shirt and a beanie propeller hat. If not found by end of meeting bait may have to be used. We are prepared to show the Doom 3 Trailer and use a Pac Man mp3 as calls. Unfortunately we suspect these last resorts will also distract the user group as well, but this is a chance we are willing to take to prevent this creature from becoming Marketing and or Management and dying a slow and cruel death by loosing intelligence over time.

  3. Kimatrix says:

    This creature may also be seen wearing the very clever disguise of tattered Iron Maiden or Rush T-Shirts. To lure for capture, play soothing classic Rush only. You may be thinking there is no contemporary Rush; more specifically, only *gulp* albums released before Getty could no longer hit those high notes.

Comments are closed.

Skip to main content