Personal Area Hygiene

It's true that some times when you hear about a patent, especially from a software company, it seems frivolous, unnecessary or just down right silly.  In the news today is some discussion of a new Microsoft patent covering Personal Area Networks.  These are networks that worn electronic devices use to communicate to each other, using conduits like your own skin, pulsing you with electrical current to send bits along their way.  What you have not seen yet is the follow on patent that will truly revolutionize the tech industry.  It will once and for all solve one of the worlds biggest problems, setting millions if not billions of people free from their daily turmoil and drudgery.

Think about it.  In the future you will have all these little electronic devices draped all over your body, wrist watches, ear rings, head phones, pace makers, belts, tennis shoes; each zapping low level currents across your skin.  We at Microsoft have figured out a way to use these streams of electrons for one additional purpose.  With a minor adjustment in frequency and power we have discovered it possible to use these tiny rays of energy to actually zap away molecules of sweat causing body odor.

The technology industry will never be the same.  Imagine walking down the halls of your company, deep into the development sector where the socially inept dwell.  Imagine not being accosted by the smell of unlaundered clothing, the sweat of the unbathed.  You might actually start choosing to invite the developers to meetings.  People would start talking, working together for the common good, instead of frantically search for reasons to get out of the room.

And that my friends is what the future holds. 

But I digress


Comments (5)

  1. noone says:

    is supposed to be something from the onion, or are you serious?

  2. noone:

    of course Matt is serious. infact, they are already beta testing it over here in germany. big deal also: you can only get onto the beta beeing invited by someone who doesn’t stink.


    thomas woelfer

  3. Matt says:

    The Wayward is more fascinating that the Onion! I spit on the Onion. The Onion is nothing! Unless its sauteed a bit. Then its okay.

  4. Heather says:

    Can’t wait until we dogfood that technology. I might be able to recommend a few hallways to start with. One free device for every day the number of days you have been wearing your current outfit. ; )

  5. AT says:

    LOL … Shaking hands can be insecure.

    Your PocketPC or any other device from skin-network will be at risk of infection by virus.

    Or your hardware will be burned because of high or incorrect voltage.

    Buyer – beware!

Skip to main content