The Legion of Doom

I just thought you would all like to know the truth behind the blogs here at Microsoft.  There was something going on that you knew nothing about.  At least for me, the blogs that I posted, the comments, the gags, the code snippets, had nothing to do with reaching out to the community.  It had nothing to do with letting loose and flying free, writing about my thoughts and experiences, hoping to capture a glimpse or a corner of truth about the life of a programmer here inside the great green blibbet.  No, it was about selfishness and greed.  It was deception and dishonesty.  Would you expect less from such a deeply troubled and corrupted soul like yours truly?


Of course you would not. You know better.  In fact, I suspect that a whole hoard of you banded together to try and unravel the mystery of this charade of glastnost that has been perpetrated upon the world.  You probably suspected that something was up from the moment the first Microsoft bloggers took to the web, hitting hard like a platoon of soldiers storming onto the shore to capture that first beachhead. Who were these guys (and gals) anyway?  What were they up to with their sly editorials and propaganda disguised as useful facts and humorous tidbits?  You probably suspected their mission was to secure a host of converts that would help smooth the way toward enslavement of the remaining billions, surrendering to the juggernaut and total world domination.  That would have made sense.


Still, the real truth is far more sinister than you could have imagined, even with all the antitrust bandwagons and the drumbeats of anything-but-microsoft groups spouting revelations of injustice, wrong-doings and general bad taste.  You would have thought that these diligent naysayers would have uncovered the evidence that would have lead to undeniable, inscrutable and irrefutable truth about the posts that flow daily from the mottled minds of the legion of doom. 


In retrospect, I should have realized that you would figure it out, so why did I even bother?  I could have saved myself a lot of time and grief by just not even getting started.  In that first post I warned you about the possibilities, about the parallel worlds and other potential me.  Had I been one of those lucky few I could have spent the last three months basking in the glory of a job undone.  But I had to be this me, in this reality, where I follow ungrudgingly the dictate of my masters.  I am but a poor fledgling, a cog in the great machine, and so I must obey. I must heed the commands and do the bidding of those that came before, those that rose to wield great power within the strata of this shadow world. 


Fortunately, I was one of the few to achieve success in the grand plan to foil the masses.  For my loyalty and unerring service I have been rewarded with a small token of power to be used wisely in the continued pursuit of the master plan. I always knew it was possible, but I dared not dream.  To be entrusted with not only my duty, but with the deep responsibility of protecting the one true device, is beyond what a mere minion like myself could ever have hoped possible.  But I did and so I was, and now I am to be granted possession of the precious, a weapon of awesome destructive power.  From now on and forever more, shall I be known as the Lord of the rings. I will cherish and guard it with my life, never letting it out of my sight even if I must hole up in some decrepit dark office for the rest of eternity and drink nothing but cokes.


Or maybe I’m just blowing smoke.



Comments (9)

  1. Gheorghe Marius says:

    Dude….you have style. Onestly.

    Keep up the good posts.

    PS: I would kill to work for Microsoft. Hell….even for Microsoft Romania. :-))

  2. HAHAAHHAAA!!! (Out load, several times)

  3. Matt,

    love your log.


    thomas woelfer

  4. Brian says:

    You’re killing me man. The think I love is that so many of the MS Bloggers have this attitude about them that makes them seem like the cheerleaders in the entry computer science class filled with D&D geeks. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy reading them and they sound like great people. Just not like the people I knew well in school. Your blog entries sound like the misguided, strange diatribes that my friends and I came up with in random conversations over the years. You sound a lot more like someone I would hang out with than a lot of the MS bloggers.

  5. Gabriel says:

    Brilliant post Matt. I think I’ll go kill myself now.

  6. Hey, man – you’re not supposed to inhale the smoke that comes out of those things!

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