Joe Celko’s blog?

For those who don’t have this yet, it looks like Joe is blogging:

Joe swears this isn’t him, but I’m skeptical…

Among other things, the blog features lots of pictures of Joe.  I’m still waiting for my Joe Celko playing cards.  You should see Joe dressed up in his Joker outfit–downright devilish in an Anton LaVey kind of way.  One question:  Joe, where’s the Santa Celko picture?  Joe Atlas?  How about Super Celko?  Post the photos when you can!

Coming soon to a toy store near you:  Action Figure Joe with Karate Chop ANSI action.  Pull the string and Action Figure Joe says, “You idiot!  Don’t you know that stored procedures are for newbies?!”  Pull it again and he says, “Tempdb is for wussies!  Here, use this syntax no vendor has actually implemented.”

Comments (9)

  1. Denis The SQL Menace says:

    Joe Celko and Anton Szandor LaVey seperated at birth, that’s what I called it in the microsoft.public.sqlserver.programming  news group (


  2. The pictures are from

    Maybe the posts are from some newgroup? Whatever,  he’s just hillarious … A must read along with he’s books … Anyone seen his feet? Gotta be cloven hoofs 🙂

  3. Denis The SQL Menace says:

    My all time Celko favorite answer

    >> how to set the PK in SS Mgmt Studio ? <<

    Who cares??  You are not not a real SQL programmer!!  You are a

    "mousey, mousey, click , click" non-programmer.  (with a French accent)

    we spit on you,  Video gamer!

    to be serious, real programmers use a text editor.  They know the

    language they write in.  Those stinking "video game tools"slow us down.

    And they lead us to ask questiosn like this in newsgroups where people

    liek me will maek fun of you.

  4. MSDN Archive says:

    A signed book to whoever gets me the best photoshopped depiction of Joe as an action figure.  Now, it’s got to look realistic–I won’t award anything if it doesn’t look real.  But do me a nice job, and you can have a signed copy of any of my last three books (you choose).

  5. lol – why, oh why did I goof off during school? Why couldn’t I have learned Photoshop instead of algebra.

    Please, please post the best photoshops you get 🙂

  6. MSDN Archive says:

    That’s a good one.  Any others?

  7. Joe Celko says:

    I do not have a blog.  I have never had a blog.  I had no idea that "joe celko the sql apprentice:" existed until someone send me the link.  

    Do I have groupies or stalkers?  At my age, does it matter?

  8. MSDN Archive says:

    Ah, c’mon, Joe, where else would they get the spiffy photos?  Those are in pretty short supply, you know.  I realize there would probably be more of them if this were really your site, but you can’t blame us for thinking that.  Have you considered going after them for using your likeness without your permission?  I’d be careful with that as Anton LaVey’s estate might then come after you–what goes around comes around 🙂