“If You Want To Go Fast, Go Alone. If You Want To Go Far, Go Together” – African Proverb
I blew the dust off some olds posts to rekindle some of the most important information for work and life.
It’s about dealing with people you can’t stand.
Whether you think of them as jerks, bullies, or just difficult people, the better you can deal with difficult people, the better you can get things done and make things happen.
And the more you learn how to bring out the best, in people at their worst, the less you’ll find people you can’t stand.
How To Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst (Including Yourself)
Everything I needed to learn about dealing with difficult people, I learned from the book Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst, by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner.
It’s one of the most brilliant, thoughtful books I’ve ever read on interpersonal skills and dealing with all sorts of bad behaviors.
The real key to dealing with difficult behavior is more than just recognizing bad behaviors in other people.
It’s recognizing bad behaviors in yourself, the kind that contribute to and amplify other people’s bad behaviors.
The more you know, the more you grow, and this is truly one of those transformational books.
Learn How To Deal with Difficult People (and Gain Some Mad Interpersonal Skills)
I’ve completely re-written my pot that provides an overview of the big ideas in Dealing with People You Can’t Stand:
Even better, I’ve re-written all of my posts that talk through the 10 Types of Difficult People, and what to do about them.
I have to warn you: Once you learn the 10 Types of Difficult People, you’ll be using the labels to classify bad behaviors that you experience in the halls, in meetings, behind your back, etc.
With that in mind, here they are …
10 Types of Difficult People
Here are the 10 Types of Difficult People at a glance:
- Grenade Person – After a brief period of calm, the Grenade person explodes into unfocused ranting and raving about things that have nothing to do with the present circumstances.
- Know-It-Alls – Seldom in doubt, the Know-It-All person has a low tolerance for correction and contradiction. If something goes wrong, however, the Know-It-All will speak with the same authority about who’s to blame – you!
- Maybe Person – In a moment of decision, the Maybe Person procrastinates in the hope that a better choice will present itself.
- No Person – A No Person kills momentum and creates friction for you. More deadly to morale than a speeding bullet, more powerful than hope, able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable.
- Nothing Person – A Nothing Person doesn’t contribute to the conversation. No verbal feedback, no nonverbal feedback, Nothing. What else could you expect from … the Nothing Person.
- Snipers – Whether through rude comments, biting sarcasm, or a well-timed roll of the eyes, making you look foolish is the Sniper’s specialty.
- Tanks – The Tank is confrontational, pointed and angry, the ultimate in pushy and aggressive behavior
- Think-They-Know-It-Alls – Think-They-Know-It-All people can’t fool all the people all the time, but they can fool some of the people enough of the time, and enough of the people all of the time – all for the sake of getting some attention.
- Whiners – Whiners feel helpless and overwhelmed by an unfair world. Their standard is perfection, and no one and nothing measures up to it.
- Yes Person – In an effort to please people and avoid confrontation, Yes People say “yes” without thinking things through.
I warned you. Are you already thinking about some Snipers in a few meetings that you have, or is there a Yes Person driving you nuts (or are you that Yes Person?)
Have you talked to a Think-They-Know-It-All lately, or worse, a Know-It—All?
Never fear, I’ve included actionable insights and recommendations for dealing with all the various bad behaviors you’ll encounter.
The Lens of Human Understanding
If all this talk about dealing with difficult people, and having silly labels seems like a gimmick, it’s not. It’s actually deep insight rooted in a powerful, but simple framework that Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner refer to as the Lens of Human Understanding:
Once I learned The Lens of Human Understanding, so many things fell into place.
Not only did I understand myself better, but I could instantly see what was driving other people, and how my behavior would either create more conflict or resolve it.
But when you don’t know what makes people tick, it’s very easy to get ticked off, or to tick them off.
Here’s looking at you … and other people … and their behaviors … in a brand new way.