OK, not the greatest of ease. But the maybe the greatest of “holy crap, I am doing this! I am totally doing this!” Or as one of my friends put it “F*#@ You, fear!”
Lately, I have been trying to focus on bringing more joy into my life. I feel like I am at a good, comfortable place. But I don’t want to live in “comfortable.” It let’s you languish where things are easy. It keeps you a couple steps away from awesome. I want to live in “awesome.” Who wouldn’t?
I believe I have mentioned before that I like to challenge myself to do things outside of my comfort zone. And by that, I mean things that exist in the “OMG, I am totally skerred to even think of that” zone. Climbing the Sydney Harbor Bridge was one of those things. I need to repost the photos (I got a little lazy with the blog and let my hosting account fall off), because what you would see in those photos was a little bit of fear, some exhilaration and honestly, some pride that I was able to challenge myself. I had just come out of a few rough years and this helped me signal that I was moving on to better stuff. And now even looking back doesn’t hurt that bad.
And things have been better all around. It takes work: reminding myself of what I want, working through my own emotions so I understand why I do what I do, only letting people in my life that make me feel good. And being honest with myself about what I want in my life. It all sounds kind of easy, doesn’t it? So totally not. For me, at least.
One of the things that I know makes me happy is having new experiences and challenging myself. The new experiences don’t just happen on the inside. Overcoming fear really does something to me; I feel powerful. I have no problem excusing most fear in other people as a normal human emotion. But when it comes to myself, fear is something to overcome. It’s a challenge. It’s like this little gremlin that says to me: “you can’t do this. You should be able to but you can’t.” And in general, it’s something that keeps me from “awesome.” The kind of awesome that lives on the inside, which is really the most important kind there is. So.