Celebrity Apprentice Task 4: A Knight on Broadway

Yeah, this Apprentice thing is pretty much proof that I am a bad person or at least undisciplined. OK, neither of those but I'm still not loving these Apprentice updates. This week (well the week of task 4) was particularly rough because I thought the task stunk and the episode was pretty boring. But I guess that is neither here nor there, since I agreed to do these freaking recaps and until I decide to go back on my word (again?), I'm doing them. So here it is.

Tonight on Celeb Apprentice:Trump challenges fake celebrities to “make it big in his world." You know, where that hair looks OK. Speaking of which, last week, Gene was asked to lead the women's team. He and his hair agreed to do it and then called Trump the devil. Gene messed stuff up. The boys spilled coffee. Tito and his suit of much luster led the boys to the win (although I don’t recall seeing much leading). Gene made the stupidest boardroom selections ever. Need attention much? Adios Gene.

Upstairs, Piers tells Nely that she was pretty much toast. In walks Jenny saying that Trump fired both Omarosa and Gene. She’s pretty and funny, but not quite a celebrity. Nely is under the mistaken impression that Gene “took a bullet for [her]”. Wow, that is pretty self-involved. She said he respected her and that is why he did it (hee!). She must be watching a different show than I am. Nely seems comforted by the fact that Gene hearts her (earth to Nely: Gene loves all women, especially if he can control them) though Trump wants her to turn to vapor. Piers camera talks that he’s glad Gene was gone. Lennox asks Jenny why she went to the boardroom and she humbly says something about not being able to compete with the gals on the team. I sure hope that that is a strategy because if not, it’s totally crazy town.

In the gym, Tito is working out. He’s excited about giving his donation to St. Jude. Adorable! Little girl gives Tito a picture. Sweet!

OK, back in the Trump office, the big man enters with Vince McMahon and la Femme Trumplett. Trump references the head-shaving publicity stunt…I mean contest. Vince looks at Tito and Lennox like he can’t wait to make some money off of them (there's a word for that)and Trump notices. The task this week is to sell tickets to Broadway shows.The PMs get to negotiate 4 out of 8 shows. Vinny mentions that he’s going to be in the production of Chicago. I saw it last year with Usher and can I just say: H-O-T! Anyway. The boys pick Vinny as PM because of the Broadway connection and the gals pick Marilu for the same reason. Part of the proceeds go to The Fund for Public Schools, the rest to the winner’s charity. Vinny and Marilu kind of stare each other down. Cool.

On the gals team, Marilu asks Omarosa to be the negotiator. Marilu wants to pick shows she has connections with so she can get some of their stars to help sell tickets. That is marketing….yeah, we’ll call it marketing. Marilu’s skin is outstanding. Just saying.

In the boys room, Vinny wants Piers to read the rules. Stephen, with a p-h, wants to talk and he and Piers have a little tussle of who gets to talk the most (you think I am joking, but sadly, no). Vinny wants the freaking rules. Ha, chaos. This is awesome. Piers notices that they all have egos (egoes? waffles?). Duh. Trace, despite the big black cowboy hat, says he is not going to be the bouncer. He wants to “let them beat the hell out of each other.” It’s like he’s reading my mind, which is probably hard for him to do with that big magic hat on. Piers walks out.  In a preview of the next segment, Piers finds it rude that New Yorkers look him in the eye and walk off, when he’s in a knight’s costume. OK, first of all, this is New York. Maybe you have heard of it. Nobody is going to hug you. Also, do you have a mirror? You are wearing a knight’ costume. Think about it.

In the gals room, the gals are thinking about their top 4 choices: Chicago (awesome), Spring Awakening (very popular right now…can’t wait to see it), Hairspray (is this the episode where she talks about John Travolta? I’m waiting!), and Curtains (??? Did I hear that right?).

In the boys room, Piers doesn’t want Stephen negotiating, he wants him on the phone. Stephen says that he and Vinny are the experts on the shows and I am wondering where in Stephen’s illustrious resume is this Broadway experience.  Gawd! Lennox agrees with Piers.  Cowboy does too.

The male and female negotiators and PMs meet in a room. Omarosa tells Vinny “the kum-bah-yah is over.” Yowza! Did I miss that part? Drum circle? Vinny refers to the fact that they are gentlemen and tells the gals to pick two plays; which isn’t so much gentlemanly as it is splitting the picks down the middle and being kind of bossy. Marilu picks Spring Awakening and Hairspray and Vinny says he won’t give it to her like it’s his to give. Omarosa grabs their plays off the table, Vinny grabs two. Omarosa says it was like "rumper room." Um, okay. Omarosa pretty much tells Vinny to watch and learn as she snaps her fingers at him.  Marilu seems to have some sort of appreciation for Omarosa, or a strategy to act like she does. The guys complain about the girls taking so long and Vinny relates it to his girlfriend putting on make-up (which is all fine and good until all of us gals decide not to put on the make-up and then see how much you like it). The girls get Spring Awakening, Hairspray, Curtains, and Avenue Q. They seem happy with it. Marilu knows that Spring Awakening is the hottest show and I am all the way over here on the left coast but I concur. Nely gets on the phone while comparing her black book to Gene’s (must you?). She feels her Latino and female black book is better than Gene’s. Nely said she is going to pull out her Trump cards and that’s a good idea because she's got a foot out the door already.  Nely refers to herself as a star for selling tickets to a real estate agency.

In the boys room, Stephen says it’s all about selling tickets. Uh, yeah, thanks for filling us in.  Piers tells Stephen he’s shallow and Stephen says “boomerang”. I think he means “back at you”, not that bad Eddie Murphy movie. Stephen names Piers “boomer”. Ridiculous. And immature. Stephen is nowhere near cool enough to make up colloquial slang like that. Stephen says he’s as smart as Piers but not smarter. Huh? OK, then it’s a draw, boys. Let's agree that you are relatively close in the intelligence department and are still going to duke it out in the annoying department.

Vinny wants to split the team up because Stephen and Piers are bitches. Stephen starts camera talking as he likes to do.  Tito, Piers and Stephen stay and work the phone. Piers calls Richard Branson, who agrees to buy $10K worth of tickets. Stephen offers to do a Broadway show with Piers. I’m sure it will be standing room only…zzzzzz. Piers notices that they can be horrible to each other and still be friends and Stephen laughs like that cartoon dog where all you can hear are his lungs straining (was it Deputy Dog? Someone help me out). Trace wants a phone to make money. Vinny says he feels like “rats on Rizzo” (again, is that what I heard? Someone translate?). Vinny starts to work the street and insults people that don’t buy tickets.  What is he, eight?

The girls also arrive in Times Square. Marilu mentioned that she got producers to bring stuff and people from the shows and merchandise, etc. The gals start selling.  Nely is excited to get sales because she wants to prove to Donald that she is not “a loser”. David Hyde Pierce shows up. I really just want him to act like Niles. Do we think that is possible? Jenny and Carol took sucky the job of taking in money and dealing the tickets.  Vinny likes being the boss, with the soldiers and the “badda-bing, badda-boom”. Oh you knew it was just a matter of time. They gave Stephen a megaphone which was totally unnecessary. Vinny wants to give Piers the costume. Vinny, in his New Yawk accent, introduces Piers in an English accent (it sounds impossible but I can tell you it happened that way). Again, Piers is disappointed in the rudeness of NYC (gawd, I love me some NYC, rudeness and all!). Bob Saget shows up and please, oh, please, let him tell a dirty joke.  Ivanka shows up to observe the guys. He mispronounces her name “ih-vaink-uh”. I imagine how much she liked that. Yet he wonders whether she found him attractive in his chain mail get-up. I can only guess.  Trace called a gal from EMI who gave them $5K. A bunch of Austrian tourists stare at the cowboy and are totally amused; kind of like how we are amused by Arnold Schwarzenegger (that is called reciprocation, my friends). Trace tells them to give all their money to the people over there. And welcome to America.  Some British lady tells Piers that he should be embarrassed.  Jenny is about to give away too many tickets for $2K and Omarosa steps in and asks whether she can help, cause Jenny has no idea about how to negotiate or play hard ball. Because, remember, she’s all about *soft* ball. Man, is she a pushover.

Jenny is frustrated to be behind the scenes but I’ve seen no leadership potential yet. Marilu thinks Vince McMahon is cute (really? I guess everyone has a type). Vince talks to Niles. Vince thinks a pedestal is missing. Nely does a lot of squealing when her friends buy tickets. Piers realizes that Branson’s money had not yet arrived.

Time ticks by. Both teams are waiting on big checks. The guys get theirs from the Virgin Atlantic gals in red (love the outfits, ladies). Nely screams into the phone about telling the cab to hurry. And cut to boardroom. In come the celebs, then Trump. Trump asks Marilu if they won and she feels they did. Vinny is a little wishy-washy.  Tito thinks Piers was the rock star on the team because of the big money folks he called. Stephen thinks that the only way they lost is if the girls raised more money. Ya think? McMahon thought they should have spotlighted Dave Hyde Pierce better.  Trump wishes the women would win because of all the losing.  The gals raised over $31K. The guys raised $33K. Ouch.

Marilu tells Trump that the boys are winning because of “star power, size and black book” and I have to say that despite the fact that I don’t find the men particularly fabulous, I think she’ right.  Vinny gets cheesed off because Omarosa told Piers he was dressed like a clown. Honestly, he talks like he’s in junior high school. Nely said the gals would have won if the last check didn’t come in two minutes after the contest was over. Vinny gets $50K for his charity. Vinny tells a touching story about the man that raised his daughter.  The guys are safe and they celebrate. Vinny hugs Stephen, who calls him “bro”. Trump addresses the women.

Vinny and Stephen agree that Jesus wanted them to win, which I am pretty sure is a sin, in case someone who knows about such things wants to weigh in. Marilu tells Trump that there are overpowering people and back seat people on their team. The guys are enjoying watching this. Vince notices that Carol was in the background; Trump and Vince felt that they should have sold her looks (there’s a word for that). Omarosa says that Carol takes a back seat.  Jenny nods but isn’t brave enough to say it out loud. Omarosa tells Trump to fire Carol. Carol reciprocates. They bicker. Nely says everyone is an “assistant” and that is true. Jenny says that she and Carol have had to act as assistants to get by. Nely says Marilu should have been fired, because she didn’t exploit her celebrity. Marilu brings back Jenny and Carol. The guys notice that Marilu keeps Nely because she needs her, despite the fact that Nely just threw her under the bus. Omarosa has a little pink bow on the back of her skirt. Weird. Marilu, Carol and Jenny dish on Omarosa, and Carol again says that Omarosa is eating their team from the inside out (I wish she’d stop saying that). 

Trump talks to Vince and Ivanka. Vince thinks Jenny should go. She’s not a fighter. Ivanka wants Marilu to stay because she is the strongest on the team.  In come the gals and Marilu said that it’s hard for the team to work together and that she, Omarosa and Nely work well together. Interesting. Trump questions Jenny’s energy level. Jenny admits that it’s tough for her. Trump likes her sweet and non-competitive and he fires her. Just like badda-bing, badda-boom.  Out she goes (no suitcases this time around). Marilu and Carol return to the board room.

Jenny in the cab doesn’t say anything very interesting. Shes going back to her life as mom, wife and Olympian.

Next week, there’s some kind of scandal. Whatever.

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