Ahh, I’m late with the recap. I was in major focus mode at work so I could still have a life outside of work and this wasn’t a priority. And also, this was the most boring episode ever. Who says I have fear of commitment? I am blogging it anyway and I’ll try to make it fun. Here were are…
Same intro….lots of drama, no assistants, money for charities. They sold hot dogs to “big dogs”. Again….no writers? Smirky McBaldwin got the charity money, Omarosa and Carol Alt snipe, Tiffany gets the boot and the ladies decide to leave it in the boardroom; which I think will happen until Omarosa decides she doesn’t want to any more. And again, that outfit of Omarosa’s, it’s unconscionable. I just don’t know what to say. The ladies say what happened to Tiff and that they are going to “leave it in the boardroom” (any reference to “what happens in Vegas” is going to make me lose it) and that Piers dude for sure is not going to let them do that. Awesome. O tells Piers to keep drinking and tuck his shirt in. That’s like the ugly outfit calling the other outfit untucked or some such. These two are going to go at it. I’m pretty sure they want to kiss. There’s some seething chemistry here. He calls her gobby (what’s that?). She has a problem with the alcohol on his breath. Then she calls him an alcoholic. Wait, what?
Now opening credits with the “celebs”. Lennox is hot, Tiff is already gone but looks better in print, Smirky McBaldwin reads “The Usual Suspects”; great movie but who thinks he actually read that book? Anyone? Please, baby. Marilu in front of a Taxi. How taxi…I mean, tacky. Roy Rogers sittin’ on a barrel. Carol Alt is all posey. That Piers guy. The trumpletts are all “nepotism is fun!” Mafioso guy. Jennie Finch…cute but a celebrity? Mmm-kay. Tito is badass. Whoah, Nadia. And of course we have to see Gene Simmons’ tongue. This will not be the last time, I am quite sure. And how come he gets the pyrotechnics? I want pyrotechnics. The swan lady. And scary Ms. O. Tah-dah!
Baldwin greets his mom and sis. He gives them $69K. OK, that’s some sweetness. Mom wants to thank “the Donald”. I’m loving his mom for calling Trump that.
Trump tower, roof top…they are way into the scenery shots with the music, also known as “filler” also known as glorious time when Omarosa is not on camera. In comes Trump to introduce the head of Macy’s “when it comes to marketing, nobody knows it better”. Ah, hyperbole. So early? Why did he have to drop that BS right in the middle of the lobby? He asks who loves animals and honestly, who are the jackasses that don’t raise their hands? What is wrong with you people? Your publicist is on line one….jerks. OK, seriously, NONE of the ladies raise their hands. And this is why I am not a feminist. My boys Lennox and Tito raise their hands and Trump asks if they like pit bulls <sigh>. Trump, don’t talk, just fund this shizz and fire people, K? Fake laughter and Lennox likes cats. Again…meow. Trump says that February is pet adoption month and how many bets this was not filmed in February? Trump introduces the guy from Pedigree, “a wonderful company” and just once I want him to say that someone’s company is crap but that they invited them anyway. Make them celebrities market some crap…that will teach them. He wants them to make a 30 second ad for their adoption drive. The celebs will be judged on message, originality and creativity. And just as sure as I am that I am sitting here in my sweats typing this, I am sure that this little piece of info just bounced off a bunch of dull celebrity heads. Cause they are all shiny and smiley with absolutely no gears turning inside. Man, I feel mean today. Wjee! Marilu is calculating the sugar content of her breakfast, Nadia is mentally running through her balance beam routing and Omarosa is making plans to take some betches down. Just sayin’.
Trump wants them to pick their PM right now. For the gals, it’s Nely, who says something about the Latino market and I’m failing to see the relevance, but whatevs. For the boys, it’s Gene Simmons. Trump has to say something about Gene liking the women and I wish he had not gone there. Gene says he is hitting on his opponents. Ew. And also, gag. Simmons says he sees the ”big picture” and will fire anybody; which makes me wonder if someone actually explained to him how this little game works. He says he’ll fire Trump. Oh jeez, the posturing. I’d ask them to wrassle but I’m pretty sure that there’s some velcro effect that would come in to play with their hair. Or at least severe static. Prize is $20K for the PMs charity.
Empresario is in the “downtown war room”. Nely makes everyone take deep breaths and do something with white light. Oh, cut the crap lady. These ladies want to throw down. Get outta the way with your white light biznazz. Whoah, there is hand-holding and I am so appreciating my boss right now because we will have none of that touching action here. None of it. Ms Omarosa will not be participating and frankly, the group looks OK with that. OK, as much as I don’t like that stuff either, sometime you have to go with the flow. These words will haunt me later, I know. Omarosa calls it ”existential bullsh*t” and clearly has no idea what existentialism is. Honey, existentialism is kind of dark. More your style. Trust me. What we have ere is yoga/hippie/self-help bullsh*t. Let’s just get that straight.
The gals meet with the Pedigree guy and Nely asks questions. Good start. Now, they boys are in some other Georgian-looking building. He wants to go right to the studio and shoot a puppy face. Per Simmons, “The War Room is the Battle Field.” Really? What about the board room? Such nonsense packaged as crap immitating total BS. He doesn’t want to waste time meeting with the Pedigree guy who we can just think of as the customer/judge. Baldwin and Piers push back. Yes, you heard me…a Baldwin is the voice of reason here. Think about that for a second. Doom is imminent. Piers wants to find the concept first. Mafia guy wants “three celebrities…boom, boom, boom…dawg, dawg,dawg”. The only reason he is still here is that his team hasn’t tried hard enough to lose.The level of articulation. You can’t make this stuff up. Piers says the best thing I have heard on a long time; a story about a dog needing a home and something about the arms of a naked Lennox Lewis. Yeah, you heard me. Mother of pearl. Randy Travis wants someone holding a dog with silk gloves and the camera to slowly pull back. Baldwin has a vision. Oh man, Randy is POed that Gene doesn’t like his idea. Baldwin throws in his copious film cred. Baldwin wants to use Lewis and I’m totally buying what he is selling: Lennox Lewis holding a puppy. Big tough guy with a sweet face, little puppy. I can see it. Put it in a can and I’l buy it. Baldwin gloats a bit.Simmons agrees that Baldwin can direct the shoot but you can tell that he is none too happy about losing control and if he could spit fire and blood right now, I believe that he would.
In walks Ivanka. Gene tries to flirt with Ivanka. Gene doesn’t like that Piers is telling Ivanka about their concept. Whoah, Gene basically dismisses the femme trumplette. Ill-advised my skeevy friend. His hair does not move. Gene tells Ivanka that as a female, she can’t tell her “sisters “ about their concept. What an ass. Also, her dress is entirely inappropriate for the workplace.
At the guys’ shoot Baldwin directs Lennox to pet the cute doggy and Gene Simmons pants. I’m sorry, but did I mention that Lennox is a doll? Then they go shoot outside, on the street in New York City. You don’t hold back the foot traffic…it’s freaking New York. They will cut you.
The gals. Omarosa said she didn’t want to be involved in the creative and said it was strategic. Not sure how. They tape models and pets. Nely has to direct the model not to tongue kiss the dog. And this is the time where I tell you that the thing about dogs having the cleanest mouths; that was totally made up by a slutty dog. Nely had to direct Nadia to do stuff. She is treating people like assistants. You better win, girl. Marilu helps with the writing/directing. Clearly, the models ar models and not actors. And really not that model-y either.
Willie Nelson does the voice-over for the guys and it sounds great. Kind of like “beef…it’s what’s for dinner”. A line that will totally not work in promoting pet adoption. Gene wants to send the team home to “watch cartoons” (why you gotta be such a jerk?) so he and Stephen with a P-H can edit. Piers didn’t like that. Gah, this show is long.
The gals don’t like dog slobber. They show 3 stories of adopted dogs and then Marilu talks. Time’s a tickin’. The Macy’s guy shows up and I forgot to ask but how is he involved? Why? Nely articulates to him what the client wanted….good girl.
In the editing room, Stephen refers to his “gift’. And while that is totally annoying, nobody has yet mentioned their “craft” so let’s count our blessings. The rest of the guys show up with confrontation on their minds. In walk Tito and Piers, then the rest. Stephen dismisses them. The guys all leave. Tito’s not happy. Gene wants them the f* out of there.
Judgment time. My second favorite time after nap time (oh, and Taco Time…oh, and Miller Time). Nely presents their web-based ad plus a radio spot. Nely camera talks that they worked like dogs and I don’t know what her dogs are like but my dog is sawing logs right now. The gals say they love it. In come the guys and Mr.Pedigree didn’t like that the guys didn’t consult with him. Gene says something about Sun Tzu and lays on the pronunciation. Oh the Art of War clichés. Zzzz. Piers corrects Gene’s accent, which Gene refers to as Mandarin. Piers decides to pet the gorilla on the table and mentions how embarrassed he is for all of gene’s ass-hattery. Trump and the Pedigree guy look on in wonder. This rocks. Gene explains that the war room is the battle field and not the board room and he is being way too literal right now. You have the opportunity to do something dumb in either place. Gene has had anough chit-chat and wants to show the video. He could only be more condescending if he was channeling Tyra Banks. Tito was surprised at how good the clip was. Mr. Pedigree liked both, loved one and will run it.
Nadia tells Nely that if they don’t win, it’s because they didn’t include 6 celebrities. Anyone else find her very easy to confuse with a muscular, more sinewy Penelope Cruz, accent and all? Yikes.
Boardroom and ladies in yellow nd black (just like the Pedigree bag?). Trump says the Pedigree guy didn’t like that the dudes didn’t meet with him and thought that Gene was abrasive (ya think?). Le femme Trump didn’t like Gene. Trump panders to the producers and asks what Omarosa thought of the way Gene treated Ivanka. She make sit about integrity. He apologizes. I don’t buy it. As the gals’ commercial plays, Gene slimily high fives Baldwin. Ick. Trump asks Gene what he thinks. Now the guys ad plays. Cute. Nely thinks the gals won. Omarosa didn’t buy Lennox and references his hotness (gee, I didn’t notice) and his marriedness. Settle down, O. Omarosa says she likes him like a hot brother. Trump questions why the gals didn’t put a celeb in the ad. Mr. Macy’s questions whether the pet adopting ladies of the world know who Lennox is. They might think it’s a china company. All I gotta say is that who cares who he actually is? Women are visual. Trump announces that the execs loved the guys’ ad. Trump liked Dale Evans’ voice. Hmm, another week of Gene at least.
Back in the boardroom with the gals, does that Jenni girl talk? Macy’s guy thought they over-prepared leaving them too little time in the edit room. Marilu admits to manging the crappy voice-overs. Trump thought the internet and radio ads were too much. Trump and Ivanka heart Lennox in a big way. Trump thought Nely went way overboard when they presented. Trump asked what Jenni did. She says she would fire either Nadia or Carol. Carol also votes for Nadia who didn’t do a good job of feeding people. Nely brings Nadia and Carol into the boardroom.
Trump asks for Ivanka’s opinion. She wants to boot Nadia or Nelyimitating. The Macy’s guy also likes Carol and questions Nadia’s competitiveness. In the waiting area, Carol implies that Nely should go since she was in charge. Back in the boardroom, Trump asks Nely if she is embarrassed. Nely really doesn’t defend herself. Trump tells her that she should have brought Marilu and not Carol. Nadia thinks Nely took them in the wrong direction. How come Nadia is all mousy now? Nadia said she wanted to use the celebrity, but then admits she said it after they shoot. Nadia says she wants to lead an athletic task (huh?). Wow, there are all kinds of lip injeenoughctions in this boardroom. Trump is fawning over Nadia but he’s gotta let her go. I want her to do that little gymnastics pose like at the end of a routine, but sadly she does not. Trump and le femme Trump think that was tough and I don’t see why. Did they want an autograph? Nadia is sad to go.
Looks like the gals get Gene as a PM next week and Alec Baldwin is going to call all the men selfish little pigs. Based on what was said, Trump is firing Jenni. Just a guess. Let’s see.