A Little Jim Makes for Good Ratings. Too Much Jim is Much, Much Too Much

More Apprentice "fun". Yeah, it's sarcasm...like you expected subtlety here...hah!

Previously on TAMS: M invited the contestants and introduced her cohorts, unlit cigar man and very stern daughter person. The teams split so Primarius could kick some creative a**. Jeff was very grouchy and shouldn't tell stories to children. Dawn like quiet and Jeff showers naked. Internet boy practices being profound: "it's up to the children". Yes, it is Internet boy and the fact that that scares me means I am officially old. Primarius wins the competition. Jim makes some weird facial expressions and forceful finger pointing in the conference room. Everybody talks over everybody else. I expected the creative group to be a little more civil! Martha boots Jeffrey with "you just don't fit in". Fit in where...the little cardboard box you were going to send him home in? Later Jeffrey/

Sweet dreams....who am I to disagree? (hee..irony! I can't wait to disagree!)?

In NY living space, a sociology study on peer groups and mirroring behavior as 2 guys from Primarius chat with their baseball hats turned backward (gel guy is messing up his hair). They are talking about strategies for selecting people to take into the conference room. Do you take someone strong to get them out or someone weak because they are less of a risk? You know when someone takes a really simple concept and then you find out that it's not so simple to them? Exactly. And gel guy's green flip-flops match his shirt. Oh no.

Jim and Dawn return home and Jim's all Beastie Boys with a "hit it!" as he walks through the door. The hat boys bear hug Jim and he says "stop kissing me". Yes, please...stop...all of it. Jim camera talks about how great he is and how he "let loose on everybody" and by this he means he totally embarrassed himself in from of the other contestants and about a bazillion self-loathing people watching this. He thinks he sent a message to the teams that he is bad a**. He talks about "cutting the "might oak" with a scythe. OK, first, who is the "mighty oak"? Jeffrey? And also, if you are trying to cut an oak with a scythe, you are going to be there for a while. Jim, forget the stupid analogies. Just tell your fellow contestants that you would be much more comfortable watching this from home. Well, at least, I'd be much more comfortable. "Later...beyotch" says he while flashing that hang loose sign. At once embarrassing and creepy.

Sarah camera talks about Jim's instability. She says his "tactic is ruthlessness"; which is kind of correct but the ill intent gets a little mixed up in the ridiculousness and lack of credibility. She gives him too much credit...he's just a weird bully. Ridiculous, unfounded narcissism. I could go on, but someone complained that my recaps are too long. Jim then refers to himself as the architect of Jeff's dismissal. Say again? Jeff pretty much handled that on his own. Dawn calls Jim on his erroneous claim and he pretty much tells her that she's luck *he* didn't architect her dismissal and (the thing that is making me totally root for Dawn), she mocks him (whee!). He tells Bethenny to get his back and I really hope she leaves his back ungotten.


Julia (our fabulous British Rona) tells gel boy to get his posse down to the video screen because Martha is officially phoning it in today. When the candidates collect, Martha appears on the screen in front of lots of flowers (ahchoo!) and displays her mastery of botany and very precise name enunciation. Jim is uncomfortable (yay!). The task is for the teams to set up a retail location to sell flowers. Highest revenue earning team wins. Oh, now Jim is pumped. He can't wait to get his hands on some delphinium.

Matchstick decides that Chuck should be the Project Leader because he does "freelance flower work". Chuck wants to go with simple. Chuck, Internet guy and Princess Di go to the flower mart and talk about tulips. Chuck: "Look at the lilacs! Look at the lilacs! MMM!". They are loving those Holland tulips and I'm concerned about droopy stems. That always happens when I buy tulips, even if I put a penny in the water. I bet Chuck would know what to do. I would have picked something more hardy though. Just me. On the phone, Jim starts telling Chuck what to do because Jim wants to sell to hotels (yeah, like hotels don't already have existing relationships with florists for their arrangements).Bethenny tries to wrangle the phone away from Jim and Chuck calls him Jimbo (hee). Bethenny tells Jim he is insane and that he needs to back off. Princess Di frowns. Chuck ain't happy and if Chuck ain't happy, ain't nobody happy (OK, excuse me...I just wanted to say that). Drama!

Martha gives a quick lesson on leadership (you didn't think Trump was going to keep the inane business lessons to himself, did you?). According to Martha, people who lead should definitely lead in business. Got it? Princess Di is excited about finding "Dutch girl" costumes and except for the fact that they are clichรฉ and insulting and that everyone that has ever had any connection to Holland or Dutch people will hate them, it's a great idea. Dawn calls it "slutty and trashy" and Bethenny talks about "tiptoe through the tulips"...which is really more about Tiny Tim than tulips. Right now, on behalf of Americans, I want to apologize to the Dutch people.

Chuck is "overwhelmed". It's a simple task Chuck...chop chop!Then he says he's leaving because he can't take it. OK, good thing I am not there because I would have said "fine. go. please do so quickly". Jim clearly wants to keep him as a conference room pawn. Di (I'll figure out her name eventually) caresses and kisses Chuck's head and Chuck will stay and starts to boss people around. So dramatic! Love it!

Over at Primarius, Carrie camera talks and she's already got the mission wrong. She things converting the retail space into a flower shop is the mission when it's really about making revenue. And we'll see soon how this sends them down the wrong path and how gel boy (Howie...oh, I miss Howie from Big Brother 6) pulls it out. Carrie wants to create a "gorgeous, welcoming, flower-shopping experience"..and already, it's too much talking and not enough doing. She wants a big name floral designer (go ahead...name one!). Jennifer refers to a "celebrity florist" and by this I really hope she means a florist to the celebrities because (although I love flowers and florists), I don't know any that I would consider a celebrity. They find a guy names Rene' Halmstead or something like that. He pretends that the producers didn't brief him on the show, pretends that he doesn't see the camera and acts disappointed that Primarius doesn't have references.  Ah, he's just joshing with you guys. He's in and they all go "whoo!".

Sunset again.

Over at team Matchstick, some of the girls get all tarted up to go out. They say they are "marketing tulips". They are acting like prostitutes and just as my pen goes to paper they admit that they are acting like prostitutes. Yeah, hilarious and classy ladies! Jim goes on about getting Brasso to polish the door. What is he on? Evidently, Brasso's payroll, cuz he's going to bring it up a bunch more times. They are painting and stuff and Princess Di has on a cowboy hat which is exactly what I wear to paint...how did she know? The fact that Dawn disagrees with Jim's need to Brasso just about sends him over the edge. Spoiled much?

Dawn says she was "hustling like a whore to get people to buy friggen tulips." What am I watching? And the thing that ruined her day was arguing with Jim about Brasso? Go figure. Chuck is concerned and calls it a disaster (drama!). Jim starts telling people to get rid of Dawn.

It's Springtime in NY, by the way. And Primarius is setting up their store. Right now, Howie has been promoted from "gel guy" to "Howie" in my eyes, but he needs to watch his step. He claps and tells people to "move it". I can't tell if he's kidding. Jennifer talks about Rene's need to "effectuate" and it sounds weird but it's a word. The team snaps to and suddenly realized that they need to market some flowers. And because they have such a high-end product, street flayers will have to do the trick! I don't know, the whole idea behind the celebrity florist should be that people know or care that he is a celebrity. None of these people seem to care...they are just beautiful, high priced floral arrangements. Carrie tells people to go out and "start juggling".

Over at Matchstick, Jim is still talking. Tulips are selling and the hired female help in the costumes are "canvassing the neighborhood" and doing a little dance too. Alexis and Charles witness this and laugh about corner selection relative to wares if you know what I mean. They sell $150 worth of tulips to one guy and Dawn says she's willing to make out with him for 3 hours. I'm guessing that if he bought that many tulips, he's already got someone to make out with. And what's with all the smut this episode? Martha will not be pleased!

Over at Primarius, Howie recommends lowering the price to move some product. They all start kicking butt with sales, especially Howie.

At HQ, Martha talks about the floral business (she knows a thing or 2 about high prices floral arrangements). Charles was impressed with Primarius who sold $1886 worth of allergy inducing flora (probably just me). Alexis explains that although Matchstick went for volume, they only sold $969 worth. Primarius wins again! The reward is a trip to a neighborhood to create an urban garden for the Hudson Guild. And we get to see the contestants do the work and talk about how rewarding it was.

Meanwhile, Matchstick is at home. Jim refers to Dawn as a "deadly virus" (shut up) and she can totally hear them and see them talking about her right there! Jim refers to Chuck as a "beautiful man" (shut up). Jim: "the cancer can still be cured but the strong people that I need to beat have to go". Um, Jim, first, shut up. Second, it's unlikely that the team is going to rally around a strategy that is based on who you need to beat. Follow me here for a second; sometimes when you think something in your devilish little head, you have to keep it from coming out of your devilish little mouth. Jim then talks to Chuck about framing Dawn and Chuck refuses (yay for Chuck...we'll miss you drama-kins). Marcela doesn't like Jim so much which makes me immediately like her, but I suspect that she's not alone in her feelings toward Jimbo, so I'll have to be more selective in whom I like. As Chuck walks away, Jim's all "I love you..I love you!" (shut! up!).

In the conference room where dreams of building a domestic empire go to die, Marcela states that delegation and communication were weaknesses for Matchstick. Chuck takes accountability and this is no drama...he's right. Martha found them uncreative and hated the Dutch girl characters (go Martha!). Bethenny does the worst back-pedaling that I have ever seen: "what does Holland even have? Like, a windmill and a Dutch girl and clogs". And again, I want to remind the Dutch that on behalf of the American people, I am sorry for this ridiculous woman and what just came out of her mouth. Martha doesn't like it either and brings up Vermeer and Van Gogh (I dig those guys). Martha also dislikes the fact that the models in the costumes couldn't really like, speak, like about the, um, products, you know? Jim decides that there's a comfy seat on that bandwagon that has his name on it and says the models were "set loose like dogs"...only not so much...where's the dog part? You mean because dogs wear milkmaid costumes and aren't very good at talking about tulips? OK, got it. According to M-Diddy, it was "tacky" (agreed!). Chuck then tells Martha he "had a nervous breakdown" (drama! Again!). Jim's all "no!". I think the best person to judge a nervous breakdown is the person who is having it. Jim, zip it! Chuck wants to take responsibility for the loss and Jim says it's a "deep, personal, wounding insult" (shut up). "How dare you resign!" says he. Only a) how is that insulting and b) Chuck was not resigning and c) who actually falls for your bull, Jim?

Jim refers to Dawn as a "charlatan" and it's as if the pot is meeting the kettle for the very first time. Dawn starts to list her contributions and Jim says "now I have to sit through this". Yes, Jim, it's all about you. The rest of us were put here to amuse or persecute you depending on your mood. Martha calls Jim on his agenda and has a bit of a giggle over the team's "major problem". OK, I am totally liking her now. Chuck picks Jim and Dawn to return to the conference room as his personal guests. The Peoples' Princess asks Martha for advice on working with a team like this. M basically says they have to stop the whining, "kvetching", complaining, quitting. Bethenny says she is so embarrassed that she wants to cry and M says "women in business don't cry my dear". Love her right now!

Charles calls it a "revolting development" which is not to be confused with a nasty unlit cigar that has been chewed on. He refers to Jim's "agender" (that accent makes him kinda lovable, don't you think?). Martha addresses Dawn and as Dawn talks, Jim shakes his head and roll his eyes. Chuck explains that he may not be very good at managing people (this is what we call a moment of truth and good for Chuck for saying this). Jim looks like his head is going to explode (stop already!). He says that the Jim/Dawn conflict impacts the team (word!). Martha explains that quitters never win (I swear I have heard that somewhere before) and that she even "went to jail" (well ,there it is...good on ya Martha!). She made good out of a bad situation and I am slightly relieved that no lemons were killed in the making of this segment. The music builds to a crescendo. She dumps Chuck because he can't lead with a stern "I wish you good luck and goodbye". I'm relieved that it's not about whether he "fit in" but I really don't think Martha should improvise here...I need something to look forward to and it ain't the sappy letter.

"Dear Chuck". How humiliating.

Next time, they create wedding cakes. Hmm, flowers, wedding cakes. Either Martha is producing a bridal issue of her magazine or she is dropping some pretty heavy hint on single Miss Alexis.

Comments (15)

  1. Deb says:

    Naturally, I’ve read your blog for some time now. And I pass it along to other hiring professionals of all types for all the great insight you give.

    And yet, it’s Martha that finally makes me comment. How funny is that? I had this on in the background as I was doing other things and actually, um, er, waiting for Lost. (I’m a "Lost" addict, I confess.)

    One point I particularly loved was a comment that was made while the group was working on the garden. The woman felt that it was a great lesson from Martha because, "Martha does a lot of community service". That almost made me spew water all over my carpet! No, hon. It’s not community service, it’s jail.

    In the meantime, I actually loved the parts in the conference room when they asked Martha, aka the Wizard, for her advice. As she started to talk about how there is no whining, no complaining, and definitely no quitting, I liked her more and more. But when she came out with "If you cry, you’re out. Women don’t cry in business," I found hope that they were going to let Martha be Martha. (Of course, all I could think of at the time was, "There’s no crying in baseball".)

    As someone who has never been a fan of Martha’s, I think letting her be the diva of the show would be brilliant. And your re-caps are probably more enjoyable than the show itself.

    All the best!


  2. Great post Heather like always. I bet Jim was the whining high school president that everyone hated but endured. I was actually hoping that Martha would drop the bomb and give the Cordial Goodbye to all three of the bozos. That would have been a sight to see.

    I still cannot see any especially strong candidates yet in either group. Internet Boy has had one camera line and there are few others that they have not exposed to us.

    One last thing, I think that Alexis is married just without child. I read a bio of her and I thought it referenced that she was married. Maybe Martha will have the teams create a baby nursery in a future task and drop more hints to her daughter. I do have to say that Alexis is a very handsome woman. She looks like she could kick my a$$ and I am 6’4" 250 lbs. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. media guy says:

    I heard Alexis in an interview that she is separated from her husband, who happened to have been one of Martha’s defense attorneys.

    Anyway back to the show. How did Chuck make it through the screening process? The rigors of the interview process should have shown he couldnt handle situations like this. I saw him on Martha’s regualr show this morning and he sort of shrugged it off and said that he would have been as happy doing a flower segment on her show than being on the Apprentice.

    In terms of Jim, someone please vote him out soon. I dont see him lasting long at MSLO.

    I was also surprised at the level of rewards so far. Donald’s version is much glossier and the rewards are grander. Martha’s are about giving back, but with all her connections she needs to step it up a notch.

    PS Charles Koppelman’s unlit cigar makes another cameo.

  4. Kate Thorn says:

    Jim drinks so much Red Bull, no wonder he’s crazy! And Dawn is just so miserable. At least Jim adds some entertainment value. David, Ryan, Leslie, Amanda, Jennifer… who? Hardly even know they’re on the show. Maybe that’ll change in the coming weeks?

    This week’s episode had stronger editing, better tempo and board, er, conference room, exchanges with a more edgey Martha. Gotta love her!

    As for Alexis, you can pretty much place a cardboard cut-out in that chair and have the same amount of participation/value. Someone get that girl a drink! We miss Carolyn, I love her on the DT Apprentice.

    Carrie gets great face time with numerous "interviews" throughout and Howie brings home the victory again. He knew what had to be done to win the task–make money! Based on his bio, it’s definitely something he knows how to do.

    No reason for me to think Primarius won’t win next week’s "cake" task–which will make for another Matchstick C-Rm fiasco. Should make for interesting viewing–what poetic "weapon" will Jim brandy about for Task #3?!

    One thing I realized the other day that I haven’t seen mentioned is the fact that there is no "exemption" for the winning PM. A key differentiator from The Donald’s show. (Although this season he puts a twist on it).

    Once again, great recap, thanks!

  5. Brad says:

    Great recap!

    Wow – can Jim be any more obnoxious? I almost had to change the channel he was so freakin’ offensive.

    Yeah, and nice reward. "For all your hard work, take a day off and go plant a garden." Ummm, thanks. Granted, it is a nice gesture, and a big change from the excess-laden rewards that Trump hands out, but you had to love those pasted-on smiles the team was forcing when Martha told them about their treat.

    Didn’t Alexis marry one of her mom’s attorney’s?


  6. HeatherLeigh says:

    OK, first, you guys rock. I love talking about this stuff.

    Deb-glad you decided to comment. I’m liking Martha more too. Somehow, I suspect her publicist is involved but if that’s what it takes to see the *real* Martha (whomever that is), then that’s fine with me! " No, hon. It’s not community service, it’s jail." Go Deb…you tell her!

    Chris-hopefully we’ll ge to know some of these other people. Ultimately, one of them is going to have to win.

    Media guy-I think they screened for entertainment value, not actual job skills. Same reason why Jim is still on the show…he draws viewers. Not sure how much more of him I can take though.

    Kate-yeah, cardboard cutout, I agree. Satisfies our curiousity about what Alexis is like but she still seems very stiff (and I hope she wants to kick Chris’ butt…that would be a sight!). I forgot to mention the fact that they didn’t vote on immunity for the PM. It really does feel like they are making this up as they go along (like Martha’s firing phrase).

    Clearly you guys all know more about Alexis than me. I had no idea!

  7. David Yang says:

    Heather – you are the most hilarious TV recapper I’ve ever read!! I find now that I look forward more to reading this than even watching the show ๐Ÿ˜›

    Leave "his back ungotten" – where do you come up with this stuff??? ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚


  8. HeatherLeigh says:

    David-it’s been festering for many many years ; )

  9. Pennies don’t do a thing for you in flower arrangements, and those probably aren’t droopy stems. If you’re buying the tulips loose, ask the florist for a packet of flower food. If they’re delivered in a vase, the water will already contain the nutrients. If you’re at the Pike Place Market, you’re kind of on your own (if you need, I’ll send you some packets).

    Tulips are the only flower that "grows" after it’s been cut. They’re actually stretching, not drooping, and yes that drives florists nuts. Especially when bridezillas want tulip centerpieces in place by 10 am for a 6 pm reception start. In 8 hours, tulips will stretch a lot and do that goofy gooseneck thing all over the condiments and bread plates.

    The stretching thing is part of the beauty of tulips.

  10. HeatherLeigh says:

    Richard-thanks for the info. I thought the penny technique was questionable. Florists should give 2 packets per arrangement so you can change the water. And yeah, I do get them at Pike Place sometimes. Guilty as charged ; )


  11. We deliver (when our drivers don’t forget) an additional packet with vased arrangements. The water in the vase already contains nutrients, and is good for several days. Nutrient solution in foam isn’t so good–either the foam gets moldy, or it wicks the water up and a salty crust forms. Yuck!

    For some better care tips, check out http://www.aboutflowers.com/floral_b3.html (can you guess which conference I just got back from?).

    Loved the updates for all the seasons you’ve done them (what Trump obsession)–keep them coming.

  12. Gretchen says:

    Hi there,

    Have been reading and spreading word about your blog since The Donald’s "Apprentice" days. Love it! Have to say, I sense a little less luster in the sarcasm and detail department on this episode. (Boo!) Has that comment that your recaps are too long gotten ya down? Bring it on! I love the fact that you find enjoyment in chronicling every misstep. mishap, and ridiculous detail! If that person doesn’t want to read a long and detailed account of the show, they don’t HAVE to read it. It doesn’t mean it can’t be written! (Hello, censorship)?!? ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. HeatherLeigh says:

    Gretchen, guess I am guilty as charged ; ) THis year it seems like more of a chore. I think it’s the fact that it was a novely last year and this year’s contestants seem more ridiculous. Plus, watching and recapping the show can sometimes take 3 hours (watching/pausing/writing and then typing it all into a blog post). That’s 3 hours of home time and so I have to admit I’ve become less motivated. In fact, this morning I was wondering if anyone would notice if I never recapped last week (I havne’t event watched it yet). I’ll get to it. Just not as fun for me was it was before. ; )

  14. Gretchen says:

    Heather Leigh,

    Hey, don’t have to tell me that time is precious. I will still read your blog if you do it – and yes, I noticed you were an episode behind but didn’t want to press….. ๐Ÿ™‚ We, your readers, will understand if you can’t squeeze us in. Boo hoo! I’ve enjoyed the blog thus far, either way. (Now you must know how Julia Roberts feels when her fans just want more more more of her.) Hee.

    -Gretchen ๐Ÿ™‚

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