Apprentice Infinity plus One: Can we just get this over with…and without Regis please?

Previously, Tana, Kendra and Craig interviewed with “some of the world’s most powerful executives”, not to be confused with the world’s busiest people at Best Buy and EA. Evidently, the world is run by fast food providers and people that let you buy stuff without getting off your couch. What a sad world we live in. I mean really, control over the cheeseburger pizza industry? Selling more juice-o-matics and Joan Rivers jewelry than any other retail channel? Providing the most burgers “your way”? Really? Does Trump actually believe the stuff that comes out of his mouth? When you say stuff like that, does it just end up sounding like "blah, blah, blah" in your own head because otherwise, wouldn't you just stop yourself? Some people must enjoy their cheeseburger pizza with a side of bath water.


In the bored room, Craig was fired. Tana and Kendra were given their final tasks: "the most difficult members of their original teams were assigned to them”…now that’s just not nice. Tana tried to get out of it. Danny sang a jingle to the Best Buy execs. Tana refers to her team as the “three stooges”. Aimee from Sony…not a happy lady. I'm just saying.


Kendra is trying to make the basement dance hall look nice. She says it smells like feet. She tells Michael to make it look nice and I worry that she is trusting  him. Aimee this and that.  Michael pretty much tells Kendra to buzz off.


Over at the Chelsea Piers, Tana puts Kristen in charge of arranging the bios of “my (Tana’s) Olympic athletes”. Wow, didn’t realize they were hers. Greedy. There’s Tana chewing. She is happy with Kristen’s explanation of what she is going to do with the brochure. Chris runs down the track pulling a hand cart and laughing wildly like an idiot. Brian and Chris watch workers hang a banner with several country flags. Brian: “close enough for government work”. Coming from someone that is really not so much of a good worker, I don’t want to hear it. While the government may pay too much for toilets, just like Brian, I’m sure they at least started out with a budget. Brian calls Chris a slacker and Chris calls b\Brian an idiot…could they both be right? Brian wants to “scatter around” the signage so it “doesn’t look like we screwed up anything”. I’m pretty sure he’s a six sigma black belt. I’m just saying. Uh oh, here comes Kristen and she looks mad. Chris refers to her as a “spaz”…really Chris and Brian together…it’s like annoying squared, and who says spaz besides junior high kids? Chris and Brian pretend like they think they did a good job of hanging the banners with the flags. Brian calls Kristen “hon” (don't get me started...I'll tell you about the guy at a previous company that kept calling me "kiddo"). Brian doesn’t like to take suggestions from Kristen. Chris tells Tana to tell Kristen to “get out of here”. She was just asking the people that work there where the signs usually go. Sheesh Chris..chill, spaz (!). Tana starts with “Kristen says you guys” which is definitely a sign of a good manager. Tana says she is frustrated and hopes that “nothing happens” tomorrow and I think she may get her wish.


Back in the suite, Tana’s alarm goes off at 5:50. She orders her team to put on their warm up suits. OK, just to make clear…if any of my future jobs require warm-up suits, no thank you. Brian shirtless and cranky in bed. Chris shirtless and cranky in bed. Wow, lots of arm pits. I mean, seriously, annual arm pit quota filled! Tana’s getting all bossy with “my” this and “my” that and “I” this and “I” that. Excuse me, but what is their motivation under your regime? It’s certainly not to avoid looking bad in national television..they’ve already done that (consider arm pits and everything that came before).  Tana's ticked because she says they are disrespecting her. Chris tells her to mellow out. Chris. Think about that.  Man she is cranky, but I hear that is a side effect of not getting it, so there you go.


On the way to Webster Hall, Kendra explains that EA was providing a boxing game and they were going to set up a real boxing venue (oh, please, please, please let Sylvester Stallone be involved and his brother Frank too and oh yeah, eye of the tiger baby). It’s actually coming together and looking good. Kendra gets that she has to make Aimee happy. Per Aimee: "we’re getting there". Wow, she’s all happy faced with Kendra. Aimee put on some nice red lipstick and says that Kendra did a great job. George says he is watching Kendra and she has handled the sponsors well…go Kendra!


Over at the piers, Tana’s being rude to her workers. Kristen tells Tana that the “water coolers are being taken care of right now”. Tana’s response: “I don’t need to know any of that…bye!” Then she whispers, “get the f* out of here….leave me alone”. It was kind of a whisper and kind of a monster voice and kind of totally unprofessional. Hey Tana, you aren’t in your living room…this is on TV. Seriously, I will never be able to get that creepy sound byte (bite? whatever) out of my was like she was burping it. To the camera: "I had to depend on these three idiots to help me”…well, I hope those three idiots don’t meet you in a dark alley after the show airs. You are getting a little too big for your track suit britches, girl.


Chris lets Tana know that she has to delegate some more of the activities. Clearly, she expects the “idiots” to step up and take care of it, which is an excellent strategy if you want to lose. Chris says he wants her to win…bet he’ll change his mind when he sees the show air (whee!). The governor's advance man (aren't I cool for calling him that?) asks Tana for a schedule, which she doesn’t have. He asks her when he can expect the schedule and she says “as soon as I get it!”….hmm, snippy. Careful Tana, the man can make you illegal in this state.


Wow, everyone is complaining to Tana. Hah! Don’t believe I am hearing this: “this was an absolute catastrophe to orchestrate, because everybody that wanted me, they weren’t saying “you’ve got beautiful blue eyes” or “where can I get a tube of lipstick?”, they were saying something really is sucking….this is really F-ed up. I’ve got an idea, has anybody got a compliment?” Um, no Tana, it really doesn’t work that way. You aren’t owed any compliments and nobody cares about your eyes or your lipstick. There's a reason why they call it a job. Sheesh!


Whoah, Tana really talks down to the governors guy who complains that the governor is just sitting around waiting for the schedule and she asks if he wants a donut. Unbelievable! One of the event people shows Tana the collateral where Kristen printed their athlete handling instructions including their attitude issues. This is awesome! Tana was worried about the athletes seeing the info which would make more sense if this weren’t on national TV, cause they are pretty much going to find out anyway... "don't look Bruce Jenner directly in the eye" (ok, just kidding Bruce)...sweet! Amy from the 2012 committee is mortified. The governors guy says: “the governor's outside and he’s just waiting”. Tana says “that’s fine” and he’s all “no it’s not”…again, totally unbelievable. Guess who Trump (you know they guy making the hiring decision) is going to chat up first when he gets here...yeah, that would be the gov. Bad move Tana


Trump on the phone in his limo talking about houses. He pulls into Chelsea Piers. Tana: “show time..everybody behind the curtain!” (why?). She camera talks “ now I know what it’s like to have a romper room”. Trump greets the governor all schmoozy like. Forced conversation between Trump and Pitaky and now Tana’s all “Hi Mr. Trump!” Tana introduces herself to the governor with her full name, so he knows exactly who messed up this event and made him wait. She says the athletes were “hounding” Trump…hardly. “Bruce Jenner was my master of ceremonies”…enough with the “my” already. OK, Michael Phelps is so cute! She prods the athletes behind the curtain. Perhaps a different tone would be more effective. I’m just saying. A woman explains that the governor wants to walk in next to the American flag and Tana can’t find it. She squeaks that the show goes on with or without the flag of our country. Is she crazy?


I’m kind of embarrassed for the governor. He complains to Trump that there wasn’t an American flag. “Big mistake” per Trump. A hundred flags and none of them American.  Yeah, if you are going to mess something up, it's always a good idea if it's not the icon of our nation's independence. The gov speaks and then we see a bunch of athletes doing their thing and Tana acting silly. Carolyn rolls her eyes at Tana telling the announcer that what Chris told him to announce was wrong. Carolyn is so not impressed with Tana. Carolyn explains that Tana blaming her team is unprofessional. Tana tells some guy standing next to her “He (Chris) is trying to tell the boss how to do the job. Gee…I’m gonna punch somebody”. He appears speechless or he's trying not to get punched by a Mary Kay consultant.  Amy is worried that the athletes are walking around because they aren’t sure where to be. Tana tells Bruce Jenner and his wife “I think you are looking at the next Apprentice…this went so well.” Except no it didn’t and I certainly hope you are not.  Like Bruce cares. He just wants you to sign the check for his appearance fee.


Over at Webster Hall, George challenges Carolyn to a boxing match. Hee! Kendra explains that “Fabulous” is the MC and if I am not as old as I think I might be, I think he is Fab-o-lous, not Fab-u-lous. Am I right, kids? Anyone? Carolyn talks to a very happy Aimee from Sony.Trump introduces Fabolous and it sounds so funny! “Get up here Fabolous!” I'm sorry, it sounds OK coming from a rap guy but coming from Trump it just sounds crazy and shizzle. The tournament proceeds with boxing video games and it seems to be going very well.  The sponsors seem very happy.


Over at the piers, Tana said goodbye to her “three stooges”: “Hey guys, thank you so much for everything you did…hopefully it came through and if it didn’t it wasn’t my destiny” magnificently disingenuous. And then to the camera: “we said our goodbyes there’s no need all walking together... it's best when the boss lets the employees go on ahead of them so they can feel like an employee and I’ll stay back here like an executive…the reality is I did this on my own. There was no love…that’s all, bottom line...there was no love”. And pretty much the same from the viewing audience Tana, just so you know. Then she refers to a bucket of pretzels as “b*tches”. She waits until the stooges have cleared out before she gets in her limo. “This event could not have gone any better”…really? She then refers to her team as “knuckleheads”…”we ain’t in Iowa anymore Toto.” Was alcohol served at this event?


Over at Webster Hall, the EA guy offers Kendra a job. She is actually nice to her team and tells them how proud she was of them. She cries and is totally flattered. Erin is all annoying and huggy. WOW, what a difference between this team and the other. Kendra explains that she had differences with the 3 teammates but explains that she appreciates them. I fear the producers are setting us up.


Up in the loft, Tana greets Kendra “ There’s many times I almost cried just like, oh”  (how articulately stated).  Tana wants to cry together. Kendra explains that she appreciates all her team did and I think Tana starts to get worried. Tana tells Kendra how she told her team “later y’all”. Again, how executive-like.


Tana says she has a perfect life and wants to be chosen. Kendra says she really wants this win. She refers to herself as the “complete package” and relative to the other players in this game, she's pretty darn close. She has great potential. Oh the whole book versus street smarts thing. Tana says she is more vocal (hello...sometimes not a good thing) and more of a leader than Kendra and refers to herself as a “shark in a goldfish costume”. Whatever, goldfish costumes are out this year.


Woohoo…now time for the bored room! And here’s Trump. He thinks it’s fascinating that one college grad and one high school grad are left. And it could be fascinating if he didn’t actually choose who got here. Fascinating or orchestrated. He asks Tana about how she led. She thinks she did well. Carolyn says she didn’t like how Tana spoke about her team” “the three stooges” and “dumb and dumber”. Especially saying it in front of a sponsor (I'm guessing that Trump is P-Oed because you know how he feels about this kind if stuff). Carolyn asked why Tana didn’t proof read the collateral. Trump asks about the American flag. Tana assumed it was in the box. Neither in the box nor in the bag. Tana.


Trump asks Kendra how her team did. She was very happy with them and said they worked well. Trump states that they loved Kendra as well.  She explained that she likes to “inspire people into action”.  Kendra talked about how she handled sponsors. George explains that she should have been with the sponsors while Danny was singing. ("We're team Magna and we stand here together!" another one I will NEVER forget...thanks Danny).


Trump asks Tana whether her lack of education was a disadvantage. She says "the street has been my bread and butter”…whatever that means...she dips it in her gravy? Likes to use it to make toast? She refers to herself as a “worldly business owner”…nice try. Kendra says that it’s a liability that Tana started but did not finish college. Tana says “I know how to run with the wolves” when Trump asks her about dealing with the city slickers. Kendra explains that many of her customers live in the Northeast and buy second homes in Florida. Back and forth….back and forth.


Trump asks them to wait outside. Carolyn refers to them both as “strong women” and Tana as “nice”...she's not a good's OK, Carolyn, either am I.  Small talk. We and the employees (stooges)  have to wait for next Thursday, ugh! Seriously now, if the producers are setting us up and Tana wins, I am going to be incredibly upset. It seems obvious to me at this point that Kendra should win (well, it's been obvious for a while) and if they are tricking us it's cheap and I'm not coming back.


With all the reality shows wrapping up, I've been feeling good and Trump could just ruin all of that. I got choked up when Joyce and Uchenna won the Amazing Race (what cool people who deserve something good to happen to them). The Survivor finale was OK...I wanted Ian to win, but I started to get annoyed at the end that he was letting everyone beat him up for playing the game. Tonight...the Bachelor (I like Sara, but I think Krisily is a better match for him...Charlie isn't quite the "catch", if you ask me).


Anyhoo, time to wrap it up Trump, don't disappoint after all you have put us through.

Comments (9)

  1. Julie LErman says:

    I cannot believe I just read this whole post. I am so behind the 8-ball, but it was really fun to read. I have barely watched the show, but did see a chunk of that episode and couldn’t stand watching Tana any more with her attitude towards everyone so that was all for me. thanks for the wrapup.

  2. Mikey says:

    Great wrap-up (and go Kendra). Began reading your blog a few episodes ago. One question. Are you using "bored room" spelling as a pun, or no? At first I thought for sure it was a pun, but now I’m not so sure…

  3. HeatherLeigh says:

    Hey Julie-thanks for reading…sometimes it’s hard to write that much…I certainly wouldn’t blame anyone for not reading the whole thing. But it is indeed less painful than the actual show…or so I have been told.

    Mikey-yes, it’s a pun.

  4. Kerno says:

    The programming gods have decreed that we here in Sydney, Australia get the Apprentice about 3 weeks later than you get to watch it – so we’re always behind! Ergo, I never get to comment in real-time but just wanted to say that the posts are almost as hilarious as the show itself (will never forget Audrey’s "I cut myself because I am SO beautiful") and regardless of the tyranny of TV you have an awesome blog.


  5. D-Wang says:

    I agree with you… I thought this was supposed to be the finalie… but the programming gods have been able to drag this one out… I bet Trump could not pre-empt the ER finale. Does this mean that this is the end of the Apprentice?

    Here’s an idea… maybe the Apprentice could travel outside of NY? My feeling is that after a pretty good first season, the quality of the show is running empty…

    I think Kendra might be in the winner’s circle… will she choose to turn Trump Casinos around and out of bankruptcy? 🙂

  6. HeatherLeigh says:

    Kerno-it’s like Sara W on the bachelor sayingtheir like so like mean to me because I’m like so beautiful…it’s like racist. Someone somewhere must collect some of these ridiculous quotes.

    But for any reality show participants out there that are going to cry and feel victimized because you are it. Seriously, it just makes us hate you.

    Sniff, Sniff…people like totally hate me because I’m like smart or something. Like, they hold it against me but like, I can’t help it. ; )

  7. Brad says:

    Hey, great review. You could be a reviewer for

    Tana is about to get fired, unless there’s something shocking and scandalous with Kendra that the producers are going to drop on us Thursday. You know how they edit these things…

  8. HeatherLeigh says:

    Brad-that is exactly what I am afraid of. If we find out that Kendra kicks puppies, I am really going to be ticked!

  9. Heather — Good post and it looks Kendra will win. Did you read that next season their will be 2 Apprentices? Martha’s will be on Wednesday nights and The Donald’s will continue in the same slot on Thursday. So will you be posting both or just one?

    Idea — I will review and write comments for the one you do not want next season? 🙂

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