Apprentice 11: Is it still a laptop if you carry it on your back?

Hmm, another fun episode. Business mistakes, fashion mistakes and ego, all rolled into one deluxe Trump meatball. You came here to read this…don’t blame me! (Warning, this episode made me grouchy and I’m tired)

Last time on the Apprentice: Alex joined Net Worth. The Apprentae made pizza. Craig was grouchy. Trump refers to Tana and Kendra marketing to businesses as “out-of the-box”. OK, this is really the first time that I have disagreed with the “last time” segment but let me say this: 1) that was so “in-the-box”. The only thing even remotely interesting about it is the fact that they do it every time and the other team doesn’t catch on. And also, don’t say “out-of-the-box” anymore. “Out-of-the-box” is the new “in-the-box”.

Anyhoo, Stephanie went to Brooklyn while Chris and Alex fought. Stephanie got the boot.

New episode and it’s raining in NYC. Everything is shiny. Alex and Chris return to the suite to fill the other Apprentae in on the boredroom antics. Chris seems to take pride in telling the others that Trump referred to him as “a mess” and “a train wreck”. This is very sad. Some people just want attention…any kind of attention. He should try a career as a mime. He camera talks about his anger issues like it’s news to him (and hey, it’s news this week anyway, huh?). I really have a hard time believing this is new feedback for him and he’s not that good of an actor. He’s a prop. A very angry, saliva-spitting, fact-speaking prop.

It’s the morning and no call from Rona. She must have forgotten, but the Apprentae head over to Marcraft Apparel Group anyway. Trump plays kissy face with some guy over some fabric. The way he is talking, he owns the place. I’m quite certain I must be pronouncing Marcraft incorrectly because it doesn’t sound remotely like “Trump”. Michelle Scarborough is taking George’s place this week (too bad, George is one of the few bright spots, though a little mild). Trump describes Michelle as an in-house attorney and what he probably means to say is she negotiates all the ridiculous product placement deals on this show.

Trump explains the Trump collections…whew, I was wondering where the name was going to sneak in and here it is. It was a little disconcerting before because you never knew when it was going to jump in and surprise you but here it is. Ta-dah! The Apprentae will create “regional pieces of wearable technology clothing” also known as sloppy, bugly stuff that you would never wear. Oh, it’s for American Eagle (nice work, Michelle). The clothing must be gadget friendly (“hello, gadget”). All I can say is I’m not a fan. Life is hard enough without strapping your PC to your rear end or whatever. Each team gets a $5K credit card. I’m quite sure they said what kind of credit card but only one product placement per paragraph please. The winner is the one with the “most compelling presentation of wearable technology clothing”. I mean it…stop calling it that! Oh, and unfortunately, Bren can’t be fired this time.

Trump then adds about last week’s challenge that Domino’s customers didn’t really want meatball pizza (no duh), they want cheeseburger pizza (gross). Hmm, and we wonder why people in other countries don’t like us.  Why you gotta make it taste like that? Anyway, we are going to see a tie-in commercial from Domino’s and I am not clear on whether they are covering up Trump’s mistaken statement that Domino’s was going with the meathead pizza or were they trying to create some intrigue around this new one. Let’s name it the “greasy, gloppy, yes-that-is-ketchup, shouldn’t be on a pizza” pizza. Just wrong.

Over at Net Worth, Alex wants to manage this task. Yikes…he’s is very into fashion and he’s touching Chris while he’s talking about where to put the laptop (stop it! stop it! stop it!). He says “spring sports coat”. Yes, because the sports coat set doesn’t own briefcases…hello?

Per Chris: “Alex is a self proclaimed metrosexual and the project manager. A metrosexual is probably someone….ah, a male….that embraces their feminine side more so than other males” Chris, here’s an easier way to explain it: subscribes to Details magazine. And quit saying “male” as if you weren’t one. Sheesh!

Alex says that he’s embarrassed that “we’re in a fashion place and I’m wearing pleated pants instead of flat front”…right. Then he laughs nervously. Here’s the thing Alex…I can call you Alex right….since we are both embracing our feminine side (it’s hard for me sometimes)? Life is a “fashion place”. If you are seriously *that* into fashion, throw away the pleated front trousers. And hows about wearing something a little interesting, fashion guy? Cause you pretty much just look like a Brooks Brothers catalog to me. Either that or cease and desist on the metrosexual thing. You have to earn it.

Alex says he wants Angie to present and Chris to be in charge on money. Wow…tough break.

Magna goes gadget hunting (be vewy, vewy, quiet). Tana says she had “an eBay business with a clothing store”. I’m not sure what that means exactly. They go to American Eagle and ask some hipsters (what are the kids calling themselves these days anyway?) about gadgets and apparel. They are somewhere in the vicinity of a box that they are either in or out of. Kendra wonders if Net Worth is “smart enough” to do the research.

Chris is at Best Buy and asks the clerk “what’s my total, Bubba?”. Say what? He called Alex “Bubba” a little earlier in the suite. What the? I’ve visited my family that lives in North Carolina and my step-dad refers to the dog as “Bubba” but I definitely got the impression that you do not call a person “Bubba” unless you don’t like them and they are smaller than you and/or don’t know where you live. It sounds so awkward coming out of Chris’ mouth. But he “speaks facts” so whatever. Chris buys dinner and meets Angie and Alex at American Eagle. Chris realizes he’s missing the credit card. Ominous music fades in. He calls Best Buy and says that if it’s gone they lose because that is $5K gone. Am I stupid or did they not just spend almost $4K of it already? I must be stupid because I thought this ridiculous stunt was going to get Chris fired.

Gross Domino’s Cheeseburger pizza commercial. And if this isn’t bad enough, Old Navy ruins Young MC’s hit “Bust a Move”. Are they saying “Bust a Tune (as in tun-ic)”? I sure hope not. It’s not a musical masterpiece to begin with but I always took a little pride in the fact that Young MC went to SC with me (didn’t meet him but we knew he was there). Plus, it’s just kind of nostalgic and now it reminds me of cheaply made casual wear. At least there are not pockets for gadgets.

Trumplesson: “Let nothing get in your way”. Trump lays into someone. Talks about how to deal with walls…over, under. That’s about it. I don’t think I learned anything here.

Chris goes to Best Buy to get his card. I definitely feel like there’s some double and triple dipping on the product/brand placement here. Distasteful. And speaking of such (dipping and distasteful), Chris talks about how he handles pressure and his need for tobacco. “I find myself being less aggressive not having it.” Really? How can you tell? He then tells a pretty freaked out looking guy at Best Buy that he needs to break somebody’s knee caps with a baseball bat. The BB guy totally tried to avoid eye contact. We know it’s ridiculous but it’s pretty possible that this guy is scared of Chris.

Over at Magna, Tana designs the “Wearable tech” brand, which looks like you could buy it at one of those cheap t-shirt stores at the beach. Craig said that he and Bren pumped out their design and complains about Kendra. And by design it appears that he means Cargo pants and sweatshirts. So very cutting edge. Per Tana: “I don’t need any babies here. I just want the frickin’ job done. So I reeled them all back in real fast and let them know that ain’t gonna fly with me”. It’s really hard to be ridiculous and a task-master at the same time. If nothing else, she’s mastered that.

At the American Eagle manufacturing shop, Angie tells people what to do and seems overwhelmed. Like she is totally going to lose it. Alex made a list and gave most of the work to Angie. That may be a tactic to get her out, but dude, don’t write it down.

Chris is still at Best Buy. Are you kidding me? 

At Magna, Bren and Craig are going to get “the stuff” and I’m guessing by the look of the silk screen shop, they are very familiar with “the stuff”. Craig and Bren want to make sure the ugly logo is all over the clothes. Bren refers to his “spidey senses”. I’m speechless and I wish he were too. You don’t need spidey senses to know that the silk screen guys like the bud. They put the logo on one of the pieces backwards and Craig and Bren didn’t have a back-up piece. Craig tells them “it’s all good”. Only it really isn’t.

Over at Net Worth, Chris tells the BB guys that his superior told him to hang out until he got his card back. I think he means Alex but he could have been talking about just about anybody.

Craig and Bren return to Magna HQ and show Tana the clothes. She camera talks that they brought her a piece of sh*t on a platter”. I must have missed the platter. Next epi, less camera time for Tana please. Tana tells the model how to, um, model. Craig puts white-out on messed-up shirt.

On the Net Worth team, Alex shows Michelle a cute denim jacket that is meant to carry speakers. I kid you not…speakers! Because carrying them in your pocket is so much better than what? Alex says he designed the brand “Beach tech”, because there’s nothing that goes better with high-priced electronic gadgets than salt water and sand! Oh, and also, it’s not 1984. Angie starts f.r.e.a.k.i.n.g…o.u.t! She is worried about time. Aren’t we all, honey?

Net Worth can’t find the models…Here’s a hint: they aren’t in the kitchen. Here they are and they are semi-naked. Chris arrives and says they are too focused on what they were doing so it seems they forgot something. An example of that could be this: being so focused on calling the cashier “Bubba” that you forget your credit card. They left the office 20 minutes before the presentation. Clearly they are not familiar with the concepts of taxis, rush hour, traffic or New York City in general. Angie keeps saying that she is going to throw up (see, it’s definitely her first time in a cab). Seriously, she keeps saying it and now I really want her to do it…in the zipper pocket jacket that holds the speakers. Come on now.

At the commercial break, an ad for the Today show segment with the booted Apprentice showing Katie Couric making the “L” sign on her head. OK, first…who does that? And second, I bet Matt Lauer is embarrassed every day.

At American Eagle, Tana sends the models in first. Tana presents and then “Brenny-boy” presents (grrrr). Michael, the guy judging, asks what the youth market’s most important gadget is and Bren tell him it’s the cell phone (no duh). The presentation seems to have gone well, but I have to admit that I have a hard time routing for anyone here.

Net Worth is late. Chris didn’t bring the denim jacket. Angie is even more freaked than before. Girlfriend, pull it together. She is reading off notebook paper. She stutters: “technology is the language of the world…it’s the language of the new people.” The new people? That’s just a really odd thing to say like you grew your market segment in a Petri dish or something. But carry on.

Angie gets the same question from Michael and answers “the iPod”. OK, no. I don’t know anyone under 30 that has one (and yes I do and no I’m not). iPod owners may wish they are under 30 but that is just not it (and in case you want to know my opinion on iPod market segment it’s portable technology early adopters and gadget enthusiasts…get out of my way Apprentae). And we are not “new” by any means…we are well-seasoned. Alex says something about bridging that I didn’t understand.

Michael thinks that Magna did a better presentation (ya think?). Susan says that Net Worth didn’t ask enough questions. Trump arrives. Susan says Net Worth was scattered and unprepared. Michael likes that Magna did their research and Magna wins (not for next season, quit mixing up the teams so much…I can’t keep track of who is whom). Magna gets to go to Bergdorf Goodman and shop (big sigh).

At Bergdorf, there is champagne. And I know from experience that alcohol causes impulse buying (I submit for evidence, one LoveSac). But it’s on Trump’s dime so who cares! Craig refers to it as a “museum of fashion”. After American Eagle, it may appear that way. Hey, Craig looks amazing in a suit. He thinks Tana is a good leader. Too bad he said that…it ruined the pretty moment.


Tana says ” I carry the title two and oh” (that’s a record, dear, not a title). “I am the undefeated project manager. I feel awesome. I feel untouchable. I feel like the queen bee? Wow, that’s a whole lot of feeling. Then she starts to cry and refers to herself as a “mom from Iowa” and a “hick”. Stop.

Networth is in the suite. Alex, Angie and Chris talk. Alex thinks there clothes were better (how could you tell?). He voiceovers that Angie bombed because she can’t take stress. Angie says “I think I ‘uhhh-ed’ in the middle of it all”. That is an understatement. Angie blames Alex for not getting them there on time and Chris for losing the card. There’s plenty of blame to share but I’m not sure if she realizes that it doesn’t matter because she is totally being set up. Chris and Alex formed an alliance because there is no reasonable explanation for why Alex, metrosexual or otherwise, would align himself with Chris. Period.

Now the boredroom and ugly red suitcases. Trump asks the golden boy what went wrong. The Donald says the presentation was bad and Angie agrees. She explains that it was stressful and blah, blah, blah. Trump reminds her that she has been here 6 times and since she’s not as cute as Erin, he doesn’t find it amusing anymore. Carolyn, who really does not want to envision herself working with Chris in the future, brings up the credit card incident. Trump moved the conversation back to Angie who has never won a beauty pageant. Just a lot of blabbing about the stress and the lost jacket. Chris starts yelling. Trump says that Chris and Angie turned Alex into a loser. First, ouch and second, nobody can turn you into “a loser”, they can just make you lose.

Trump boots the Apprentae so he can chat with Carolyn and Michelle. Angie says “great, we’re losers.” OK, cool, as long as that’s cleared up. IN the boredroom, Carolyn still does not like Chris because she plans on having some credibility after the show is over. Michelle doesn’t like Angie. She clearly has not spent enough time with Chris. The 3 Apprentae come back in. trump asks if the credit card was the thing that caused the loss. Alex says it was the presentation. Angie says she realized this was her worst performance. Carolyn asks Alex if Angie had enough time to prepare (she doesn’t want to work with any of these people). Carolyn kind of lets Alex have it (go girl!). Trump asks Alex who is better, Chris or Angie. But none of this matters. We go through this every week. Here’s what is going on. Trump has already decided he likes Alex. Trump will keep Chris around for ratings as long as there’s someone, anyone, else that he can kick off.

Alex says Chris controlled his temper and Trump says he has no time to deal with temper”, which translates to: Chris won’t win but let’s see how much he ticks off the other players before we send him home. Chris tries to spin his willingness to work on his temper into a good thing. Trump calls it “troublesome”. Refers to Alex’s new loser status on this team. But alas, it is Angie that must go. Too many times on a losing team, he doesn’t like choking and buh-bye Angie.

She hugs Alex and Chris by the elevator and says “I can’t believe that” several times. Trump restates: I don’t like chokers. I don’t want chokers working for me.” OK, what about knee-cap breakers? How do you feel about them?

Next time: “Buckle up for an Apprentice like no other”. Really, that doesn’t work for me anymore. Each one only exceeds the previous in it’s lack of quality. The teams are obviously shuffled again because Alex and Chris appear to be joined by Bren. Chris rubs his hands together and says “excellent! Excellent!” and I think he was going for some effect other than weird but it didn’t work. Kendra and Craig are at it again. And apparently something happens “after”…something besides the self-loathing for having watched another hour of this.

Angie in the cab is in shock and says “Go Tana”. Another hour of my life I will never get back.  



Comments (15)

  1. FOX says:

    You could’ve saved some time had you skip thru the commercials. πŸ™‚ Thanks for a very entertaining recap. *****

  2. Ditzo says:


    how much time do you have on your hands to be able to write a novel on the Apprentice!

  3. Hi Heather,

    You are missing the REAL battle, which happens here:

  4. Jeff Parker says:

    Heather you should really try a Cheeseburger Pizza, not from Domino’s but from a good Pizza place. Domino’s regular pizza is pretty bad as it is. Nothing more than a Pizza with Cheese, Hambuger meat, onion and you can do tomatoes and lettuce if you want. They are actually quite satisfying.

    Now if you really want to get risky I recomend the Coney Dog Pizza, with Hot Dogs, Chili, Onion and Mustard.

  5. They need Tom Petty singing "Free Falling" on the show. This is becoming a car crash so I have to watch it to make sure it does not get better.

    If the rumor is true that Tana made the final 2 I will be turning in my Apprentice card.

    Also I need to prep and make the Apprentice Trophy soon so that we can crown a "Boredroom Winner" after the finale.

  6. Steve R says:

    Your recaps rock Heather! I wish one of the questions in the fantasy apprentice league would be "Who does Heather call a meatball this week?". πŸ˜€

  7. D-Wang says:

    Interesting… I’m curious what’s the next "Lesson"… I just received the latest Fast Company mag and it has "lessons" learned from previous Apprentices… I wonder what the plural form of that is? Apprenti?

    I really like their comments… basic take away was that they really did not learn too much new from Trump. πŸ™

  8. HeatherLeigh says:

    Ditzo-and your point is? And you care because? I have the same 24 hours a day that you do. Vote with your feet. If you don’t want to read it, don’t. The rest of us are enjoying it. Later.

    Jeff-I think I must be too much of a purist for that. I can’t even do BQ chicken pizza. It must be the Chicago thing (I know you New Yorkers are going to tell me Chicago pizza isn’t pizza, but I like the NY style too). The Coney Dog pizza has my pre-barf salivary reaction going. Yikes ; )

    Chris-I look forward to seeing the trophy. You’ll have to take a picture and then when the winner receives it, they have to take a picture with it as well. Oooh, I hope it has an eagle on top! OK, I know, I know…I am not going to win, but still!

    Steve R- they are serving that stuff up to me. It’s so hard to resist. Trust me, this is a very mild version of me anyway. "Meatball" is all I am capable of right now! Frankly, it’s a bit of a relief to be able to unload all the things that go through my head here. It’s the "suitable for daytime viewing" version, but still quite cleansing.

    D-Wang-I have been using "Apprentae" but who knows ; ) I find the Trump Lessons on the show to be incredibly lame. Then again,trying to teach business lessons to the viewing public probably isn’t a great idea. If they need a little diversion, perhaps they could have Trump show you what ridiculous thing he spent money on that week or who he made cry that week or he could give grooming tips (just kidding).

  9. Rebecca says:

    <em>OK, no. I don’t know anyone under 30 that has one [iPod].</em>

    I’m pretty much the oldest in my circle of contacts, and I’ll be 30 this summer. A number of the people I interact (all anywhere from two years to ten years younger than me, and that’s not counting the children I tutor) with on a daily basis have iPods.

    Completely nitpicky, I know…and not much on target, but I do enjoy reading these recaps. They’re just entertaining (more so than I ever found the show itself to be).

  10. HeatherLeigh says:

    Guess I don’t know anyone in that age group. OMG, I am officially OLD! I DON’T KNOW ANYONE IN THAT AGE GROUP! Ahhhh! πŸ˜‰

  11. patblue says:

    Heather, I like the recaps. Mucho. While I have ran out of my alotted time to go to the fanatsy game (as the recaps are lengthy) I prefer the recap. And enjoy your wit. Now I am just putting this out there, but there is something not quite right w/ Alex. If what he was doing at the pizza trailer with those girls was ‘flirting’ than he’s gonna be single for some time… and the phrase: "we’re in a fashion place and I’m wearing pleated pants instead of flat front"… also causes me concern for his potential to land a girl (IF he is even looking for a girl)….that’s all I am saying.

  12. HeatherLeigh says:

    Patblue-Alex just pretty much confuses me altogether. But it certainly sounds like he’d tell you the truth if you asked him if your butt looked fat in those pants.All of ALex’s flirting did look a little orchestrated to me but I couldn’t tell if that was him or the producers making it seem so weird and uncomfortable.

  13. Ditzo says:

    Aww Heather, I was only giving you a compliment πŸ™‚ You got the wrong end of my message.. hehe