OK, here it is. I’ve recovered from my TiVo mishap.
Last week on the Apprentice, Erin acted ridiculous in Home Depot. She must have gotten some saw dust in her eye because just when it looked like Chris’s tobacco habit would have him pushing the down button on the elevator, Erin winked at the Donald and was unceremoniously sent to the yellow taxi of humiliation <insert evil laughter here>.
Up in the suite, Stephanie babbles about her buddy Erin. She says: “You can only use your sex appeal for so far.” It was as grammatically incorrect as it was ironic. It was like she was saying it was totally OK to use it, but unfortunately, it runs out at some point and you have to find some other irrelevant gimmick to get ahead.
Angie and Chris return. Stephanie is disappointed that Erin didn’t make it back. She says that Angie and Chris are “mean, rude, they argue, they’re verbally abusive.” Yeah, in other words, they are good for ratings! Bring em back, liquor them up and tick them off! It will be fun! Angie rails on Stephanie for not helping out in the last task and Chris giggles moronically.
In their bedroom of world domination, Bren, Alex and Kendra talk about Bren managing the next project so it doesn’t look like a hostile takeover. People, this is a game, not a stock grab. And frankly, the whole thing is hostile. I’m feeling a little hostile right now. More moronic laughter, only this time, it’s evil too.
The Apprentae are instructed to meet the Donald at Trump grill. He plays some kissy-face with the chef and has some uncomfortable, self-gratifying conversation about the buffet. We have reached a new low people. Trump lets Networth pick a player from Magna and they go for Alex right away. The ladies are giddy…oops, I spoke too soon, Chris is as giddy, if not giddier (I know) than the gals. Chris loves Alex. He gives him a big, full-on hug. Easy Chris. So not necessary. And now we have hugs all around.
So then Trump brags about his pizza oven, yes you heard the right and we have reached a new, new low. Sweet. This transitions into a conversation about Domino’s. The task is to create a pizza using unusual toppings. Then, so unfortunately, Trump makes this statement: “I like meatballs”. No kidding…there’s a bunch of them standing right in front of you. And any one of them would be willing to follow you around all day. The Apprentae will be trained and then they will sell their pizza from a “mobile kitchen”. The team with the most sales wins. Craig is exempt, yippidy doo.
Chris voiceovers: “Alex…love him to death…is an incredible personality. I believe he’s very honest. He’s a very heartfelt individual. I hope I’m not wrong about that.” OK, well first of all, you aren’t wrong, but your opinion is about to change. Second, you don’t mind if we request a second opinion, right? Because, Chris, you are not the barometer of normal personality traits. I’m just saying.
Stephanie wants to be the project manager because she heard that the project manager doesn’t have to wear the goofy baseball cap (am I projecting?). They are getting trained in Brooklyn and the teams are trying to decide on their pizza. Stephanie says “meataroni”, which is a great idea if your pizza comes in a can from Chef-Boy-Ardee (I’m proud to say that I don’t know if I am spelling that right). “The great meatball experience”…”so a meatball walks into a bar” (OK, OK, that was my contribution). Alex, the golden child, utters “meatball masterpiece” and it’s decided. Stephanie likes it and she says that Alex coming up with the name…that’s why they want him on their team (because he can think of two words that start with “m”…are you kidding me?). Chris isn’t getting enough attention with his big mouth full of sunflower seeds so he acts up. He says playfully: “you think of that yourself? You’re a big boy and everything…ohhhhh.” Then he touches Alex’s face. I know you think I am making this up but it happened, I swear. I may have just tuned into the wrong show.
Chris mentions that he is chewing sunflower seeds (gross!) because they are healthy, except that they are totally not. Dude, where do you think sunflower oil comes from? And that salt is going to make you swell up like a balloon…not that I know from first hand experience, or anything. Also, storing them in your cheeks like a chipmunk is plain old nasty. I’m sorry, it just is. Bring back the tobacco. He won’t listen when Angie tells him to get some nicotine gum (why does she look like a smoker to me?). She tells him “You’re short on a good day” and I can’t tell if she is talking about his height or his temperament, but no matter. Erin warmed a nice taxi seat up for him not he needs to use it.
Alex and Chris sell some pizzas to a construction crew in Brooklyn, not realizing that the pizza-mobile isn’t going to pull up outside the training kitchen. Duh! Over at Magna, Bren wants barbecue sauce, chicken and cheddar on the pizza. They decide not to go with the since it’s a crime against the city and state of New York as well as all things Italian, nature and the universe. Bren camera talks and looks as messy as ever (boy, I hope the next epi is about Supercuts). Tana recommends meatloaf and the taste police are rolling in. Kendra says “everybody likes pepperoni” and Craig goes off. This was so weird. He corrects her that “everybody” does not like it. Dude, mellow out! He tells her to “watch the generalities” because she is starting to believe what she’s saying. I’m pretty sure that is the point of saying it. This is all kinds of weirdness. Craig is scaring me…I hope he wins! Tana, the queen of communications says that Kendra and Craig weren’t doing a good job of it. She then says “this isn’t rocket scientist”. Say what, oh sage guru of communications?
Tana then describes layers of a meatball pizza finishing with “saucy, saucy, saucy”. That creeps me out. She then says that she’s Italian and dedicates the mission to her garlicky meatball making granny. She comes up with the title “Meatball Mangia”, which doesn’t make sense…”meatball eat”? what is that? Also, they mis-spell “mangia” on the flyer. I’m not Italian and even I knew that. Tana is oddly giddy about the pizza that she refers to as an S.O.B.
Time for the TrumpLesson: “know when to fold”. When you find out that your idea sucks, pack it in and move along. Wow, how fabulously vague and basic. Thanks a lot.
Over at Networth, Stephanie says “meatball masterpiece”, dragging out the As to the point that it makes my ears bleed. I hope she doesn’t say it again. Chris adds blobs of sauce from a ketchup-type bottle. Gross. Stephanie made the wise decision to wear a white sweater to the pizza-mobile. I can’t even eat pizza wearing white. This just proves to me that she is planning on doing no real work. I’d be suiting up in my tomato colored clothing. Alex plays kissy-face with the promo models and Stephanie sends them to the NYU dorms. Alex flirts with Heather from England…”one of our ally countries”…not after they see this. Why is Alex asking everyone where they are from? Is this some kind of a dare or something? Chris is fuming over the fact that Alex is “chatting with a lot of females”. OK, I have to say this. I honestly think that Chris has a crush on Alex. It could be a man-crush or whatever, but it is so obvious to me. Jeesh, Chris, get over it!
Over at Magna, Tana and Kendra sell to companies. Kendra is pretty much a one trick pony, but it keeps working. When will the other team learn? Kendra refers to “Tana and I’s ability” and I almost jump through my TV set. I’m sorry, “I’s” is not a word, neither is “nother” (OK, so giddier probably isn’t either, but whatever). Bren and Craig invoke an Italian accent. One more ally country that these guys have alienated…knock it off! They are selling pies (that is what people in New Yawk call them). Even George eats some…hmmm, kind of looks “saucy, saucy, saucy”.
Over at Networth, Stephanie needs to get some pies to Brooklyn. Are you kidding me? Here is what you do Stephanie, call the Domino’s in Brooklyn and have them deliver some pies. Hah! Then she decides to deliver them by subway. Hah! Which she has never ridden before. I hope this carnival of foolishness is over soon. She thought it was important to keep her commitment. What? Your commitment to deliver a pizza? Outsource it! Unbelievable.
Alex chats up a model…oh no, Alex, not while Chris is watching. He then makes the mistake of telling Chris they are behind. Chris barks sunflower seed particles at Alex. Alex tells Chris not to yell and finger point (literally). Chris tells Alex to get the f* out of his face. Nice language Chris. He says it several times because it’s possible that Alex didn’t understand him the first time. Alex voiceovers that Chris threatened him, which he didn’t. But Chris was rude, obnoxious and inappropriate and I’m willing to go with Alex’s story if it means getting rid of Chris. Alex refers to Chris as a liability. Right, except for right now, Chris is the only one getting anything done.
Here comes Carolyn, fames author of Carolyn 101. Alex tries to flirt with her. Stephanie flaunts her poor decision making skills be telling her about the Brooklyn thing. Alex babbles on about Chris…he’s clearly overreacting.
Time for the boredroom. Trump asks the Apprentae if they brought him some pizza. Craig says it is in the suite (heh…good one). Carolyn reads Magna’s results and calls Kendra and Tana smart (um, OK). George reads Networth’s more humble results. Because they only marketed to street traffic, they couldn’t so better than Magna. Magna wins. Sadly, this means Bren is exempt next week. Stephanie refers to Chris as the problem. Good work Steph, get him good and ticked off before the final boredroom. Magna gets breakfast with Trump, because there’s nothing like a good dose of egomania with a nice hot cup of coffee.
The teams are back up in the suite. Is this new? I don’t recall them coming back to the suite between boredroom visits. I could be wrong. I suspect that they have been doing it all along, but since the interlude is explosive this time, they are televising it. Stephanie tells Angie that Chris threatened to beat up Alex. I love how this story is changing. Angie tells Chris and Tana that Stephanie is lying. Chris confronts Alex. Alex says that he thought Chris was going to swing. Alex has obviously never been in a real fight. Chris says that he “speaks facts”. And he repeats these words several times so intensely enunciating the “f” that it looks like he is going to violently bite off his lower lip. It was weird, I have to rewind a few times. Yep, still weird. Chris says “it’s all good, dude…it’s all good bro”. Chris tries to think of another word to use (homey, playa..come on Chris, you can do it). He then says Alex is deceitful. Awwww, where has all the love gone? This group is such a bunch of babies.
Up in Trump palace, Kendra refers to the “bling bling” but says it in such a way that you know she has never used that phrase before and she kind of just wondered what it would sound like coming out of her own mouth (not too smooth, Kendra, if you really want to know). They sit down to a steaming plate of pork and cholesterol and make stupid jokes about meatballs. I’m embarrassed for everyone involved, including myself for watching this. In case everyone didn’t already know, Trump is rich. He just wants to make sure you are clear on that. More uncomfortable and embarrassing chit-chat. Trump says Domino’s is going with the “Meatball Mangia” pizza (I’ve seen no evidence of this), but since they all surely signed some kind of waiver, Tana’s bizarre excitement is unfounded. Tana tells everyone to”mangia”…how do you say “zip it” in Italian.
Over at Networth, Stephanie is trying to scheme to get Chris out. Alex admits that Chris could be good (that’s mighty big of you Alex), if he got his anger under control. “Chris has so much potential. Stephanie has used up everything she has.” I agree, but I seriously doubt that Chris can pull it together any time in the foreseeable future. He’s anger on a stick. Regardless, Alex tells Stephanie to shut her pizza pie hole…he won’t help her get Chris out.
Back on the boredroom, Trump asks Alex how it feels to lose. Alex makes the excuse that they didn’t have any AM traffic. Per Steph, “Chris is very difficult to manage”…yeah, and that has nothing to do with the fact that she totally stinks as a leader! Totally! Stephanie admits she didn’t hear the confrontation because she was off wasting time with construction workers in Brooklyn. Trump refers to Chris as “rough around the edges.” Wow, that is an understatement! Also, Stephanie…not smart…also an understatement! Angie blames Stephanie for the half-witted model marketing. When the pretty people don Domino’s unis and stand around in a clump, it’s not so much marketing as it is modeling. I guess that’s what you get for hiring, um, models. Not to mention the poor choice of dorm marketing.
Stephanie decides to bring Chris and Alex to the boredroom. He tells Angie to “enjoy the view” and he says this every time. It’s weird. Aren’t they living there? It’s like telling someone to go home and enjoy their backyard. Very odd. He also tells Stephanie to fight harder. What he really means is be smarter, but whatever. Maybe he is just being polite.
When the Apprentae leave, George says he’s surprised that Stephanie dismissed Angie. Carolyn says it’s all Chris’ temper which “isn’t suitable for the Trump organization.” But big weird orange hair is. (Yikes, I may resemble that comment a tiny little bit).
The three apprentae come back in. Alex proves his skill in the art of redundancy and understatement, saying that Chris has a short fuse. Ya think? Stephanie says he is angry and uses a foul language. Hmm, yeah, well, the dead horse you are beating…how do you think it feels? Stephanie says that Trump wouldn’t want an employee that threatens co-workers and Trump says that actually he does (sweet! I wonder what his insurance is like). Carolyn smirks…I suspect that she is recalling the throttling of some deserving Trump underling at some time in the past. Trump challenges Stephanie’s leadership ability and thinks she should switch to a more sheer foundation (oops, that was just me thinking that). Stephanie makes the excuse that she’s not used to working in a volatile environment. OK, first of all, it’s a couple month long TV show…adapt! Second, deal! Alex obviously hasn’t either and he’s the golden child. So get over it missy!
Chris admits that his language is unprofessional and he’s working on it. OK, just so I am clear, Chris is working on his language, anger issues and his tobacco habit. Are you sure you have time for a job Chris? Just wondering. Trump asks Chris if he has “psychological problems”…how sensitive of him. Trump says he likes Chris’ energy (Um, yeah, Donald, that was the tobacco). Chris says: ” If me quitting chewing hasn’t shown you any willpower…cold turkey…that’s a very big deal, sir.” Turkey is right.
Alex refers to this mission as Stephanie’s “best showing” (ouch). Stephanie blames Chris and Alex for Brooklyn (the issue, not the borough). Trump asks why she didn’t delegate and she said she wanted to apologize to them. Apologize for what? You brought them the pizza! You would have needed to apologize for NOT bringing them the pizza. And you could have done that by phone!
Trump refers to Alex as a “star”. That’s pouring the pizza sauce a little thick. But if by “star”, he means the least of all evils, at least in the immediate room, then, OK, Alex is one. But really, that is so not saying much. Trump calls Chris a “disaster”. When Trump says this to you, it pretty much means he’s just keeping you around to tick off the other players. Then comes the big BUT. But…Stephanie is worse. Here’s the thing…Stephanie could get her foot in the door somewhere and then not do a good job. Chris couldn’t even get his foot in the door. It’s really hard to say who is worse. I was really wishing for a double-firing at this point. That said, it could be fun to watch Chris ruffle some more feathers. About as much fun as picking bubble gum out of your hair…there’s some satisfaction, but it’s still painful. Trump warns Chris to pull it together. Then after the Apprentae leave, Trump says there’s something “off” about Chris. Nobody every said Trump wasn’t smart. What was your first clue, Donald?
In the cab, Stephanie says that the “high schoolers” have no class, loyalty or integrity. That’s just a bunch of really well groomed, but ineffective, sour grapes. She also uses the non-word “argumentive”. Classy.
Next time, something you’ve never seen before…a touching episode of Blossom. OK, not really. Same old yuck, only this time it’s about fashion. My TiVo cut off the preview.
As a final note, there are a few things that are bugging me:
1) Why was nobody penalized for not actually coming up with an idea? How big of an ego does Trump have that when the challenge was about creating a pizza, it was OK that they both did meatball because he said he likes them? Very disappointing! No creativity.
2) It’s also bothering me that when the ejectee leaves the Trump tower and gets into a cab, they don’t use the trunk. What is that all about?
3) Meatball pizza actually doesn’t sound good to me. Given that a meatball is a little heavy to put on a food item that you should be able to life to your moth with your hand, and you probably need to chop the meatballs up, isn’t it really just a meat nugget pizza? Meat pellet?
4) NYC is full of great pizza places…why, why, why Domino’s?