Something disturbing in the vending machine…

I recently noticed something in the vending machine that really disturbed me in a major way. It’s a bag of pork rinds with a packet of hot sauce inside (as if pork rinds themselves aren’t nasty enough). I swear I am dry heaving just thinking about it and I need to know if it’s just me.

Keep in mind that this is the Pacific Northwest and we eat healthier than most of the rest of the country (yes I like soy and veggies and brown rice, no I am not a vegetarian). I’m trying to come up with some theories as to why, oh, why these little blobs of sizzly fat have shown up in the otherwise average vending machine of building 19.

1) Our vending machine is trying to re brand itself as the automated 7 Eleven. Next there will be Slim Jims, Lotto tickets and magazines in brown paper wrappers. There will be some questionable character standing in front of you trying to buy something he doesn’t want you to see, and a pack of Salems.

2) The Republican party has taken over the distribution of snack foods to the nation. The senior George Bush loves those pork rinds. Every time you pass the vending machine you get a warm feeling about him. Subliminal political advertising.

3) “The Other White Meat” campaign didn’t work too well. Next campaign is “eat this…we can’t tell you what part of the pig it came from, but it comes with hot sauce”

I’m just very disturbed. Microsofties…is it just building 19? Others, any other weird vending machine selections?

Comments (21)

  1. Mike says:

    pork rinds are considered "acceptable" on the Atkins diet as they are carbless. They have a certain crunchiness that becomes one of the things most missed by those doing Atkins. So, I must admit that I have now eaten pork rinds despite the fact that I am a midwesterner and the thought generally makes me want to heave as well. The hot sauce is likely because pork rinds seem to be void of taste (yes, I’m sure that’s some sort of quadruple entendre).

    Please excuse spelling, grammer, formatting, …

  2. Heather says:

    Mike, the fact that it’s Atkins friendly is disturbing too. I know some people are going to tell me I am wrong, but it just sounds unhealthy to me. And gross. Are styrofoam peanuts Atkins friendly 😉 They’re crunchy!

  3. Thus the problem with a lot of people on Atkins… they replace healthy food with a tub of cholesterol.

    I used to be one of those on Atkins, but I think I realized what it was doing to my body. I’ve since switched to the "eat right and exercise diet" which has led me to lose more pounds and keep them off than any other method I’ve previous employed (results typical).

    Since I’ve been living this life for a while, I do share your retching desire.

  4. Mike says:

    Not Styrofoam(R) ones; they’re more chewy than crunchy anyway. Some people confuse the squeek they make for cruncy. The ones made out of corn starch are almost crunchy, but then of course corn starch is not Atkins friendly. Quite frankly after going over a year without sugar, starch, … the pork rinds are as much about mental health as physical. I do agree with Anderson that exercise is much better than cholesterol. I found the pork rinds and garbage like that helped get me off sugar, and all the refined, mass produced, stuff. Common sense got me off the pork rinds.

  5. The next thing for your vending machine could be Web-enabling it. That happened at RHIT for the coke machine in the CS department:

  6. Pork rinds aren’t TRUE pork-rinds unless you can see the deep-fried pig hairs poking out of the deep-fried pig skin… these new packs in our vending machines are way too sanitized for that.

    Is anyone else alternating between the Clif bars and the pork rinds? 🙂

  7. Scott says:

    If pork rinds disturb you, you are too fragile and hypersensitive. You should find a job that allows you to stay at home and just think about all the horrible things you are avoiding by not going out into the nasty old real world.

    The fact that you somehow attribute pork rinds in the vending machine, even in a humorous way, shows some disturbing trends of paranoia. If you should worry about a Republican influence in anything you should worry about your employer. GW gave them a free pass on the anti-trust charges.

    This message was entered into your comment section by the pork rinds and will be transmitted directly into your brain later tonigh by the Bush beer in the alcohol section at your nearest grocery store. This is a recording. 😉

  8. We have that in SVC 5.

  9. Scott Allen says:

    Next thing you know you’ll have Andy Cap Hot Fries in the machine. That’s when you have to start a sit-in protest.

  10. Heather says:

    Jonathan…gross. My stomach hurts. I’m going to have to buy a bag so I can get an up-close look. I may have to perform some experiments on them as well.

    Scott (lazycoder)…lighten up dude. It’s all in jest. Jeesh!

    Dennis…very interesting that they are in SVC as well…hmmm. I’m guessing we got a bulk discount and they expect people to actually eat them!

    Scott Allen…now I love those Andy Cap hot fries. I used to eat them when I lived in Chicago but I don’t see them so much here. Absolutely no nutritional value (I think they somehow started out as corn or rice and then something went terribly wrong). You just eat them for the hot stuff on the outside. Great with beer ; )

  11. Bill says:

    This could be a case of malicious obedience. (

    Many years ago, I was working in a Green Giant plant over summers to put myself through college. One of the vending company’s driver had the job of "keeping the vending machines filled". The driver spent all Summer replacing any item that sold with some snack that no one would eat. By mid-August no one bought anything anymore. (The driver was happy, no work to do.) The company was not: nothing sold.

  12. Heather says:

    Now someone is playing a cruel joke on me. Where the regular ole Pork Rinds with Salsa Packet used to be, there’s now a bag of spicy pork rinds called "Bakenets". The pork-rindiness of them is bad enough but don’t they know how annoyed I am with mis-spelled words? Baken?

    And this means that someone actually bought the bag that was sitting in front of them in the machine. The vending machine guy I met today said they are "trying something different", the P/Rs (can we call them that? I don’t want to type "rind" again) were selling "so/so" , but he assured me that someone somewhere was eating them. Now we have proof.

    Bill–I’d like to hear about some of those other snacks that nobody would eat. My step-dad eats pickled hotdogs (brand: Penrose). They aren’t too bad with saltine crackers, but I have to have a couple of Budweisers first.

  13. Bill says:

    >>Bill–I’d like to hear about some of those other snacks that nobody would eat. My step-dad eats pickled hotdogs (brand: Penrose). They aren’t too bad with saltine crackers, but I have to have a couple of Budweisers first.

    *sigh* It’s been too long. I do not remember the items in the machine by the end of summer. But I do remember that a number of us college kids started noticing by mid-July that everytime something was emptied out, that item changed. By early August only two selections (Snickers and skittles) were being purchased.

  14. Heather says:

    Bill, I was hoping that you would tell me they were re-stocking with cans of Green Giant Nibblets ; )

  15. Scott says:

    Golly, I used a winky.

    " ;)"

  16. Brian Lutz says:

    These things are in the vending machines in 44 too. They’re not too bad actually, but I think I’ll stick to the gratuitous refined carbs nonetheless.

  17. Heather says:

    Scott…use more winkies if you are going to be so snarky ; )

  18. Gary says:


    Don’t be disturbed. We in the vending machine business are trying to get more healthy products to vend out of vending machines. The guys here at are looking for products to help make a healthier world. I’m on your side.


  19. INSOMNIAC says:

    I frankly think that your post (NOT YOU!) is completelly retarded, seriously, you cannot be serious… I believe you came on here not knowing what to write and figured.

    "Hey I want attention so lets say a snack is extremely disturbing and talk about it."

    There are more important things in this world than worrying about a stupid bag of Pork Rihns inside a vending machine. Thats like me going to the store, looking at a bag of doritos, freaking out, falling on the ground screaming and then puking out the entire contents of my stomach. See my point?

  20. HeatherLeigh says:

    Insomniac- more important things in this world like spending time typing out that comment? Drama!

  21. Shaun says:

    Pork Rinds: Healthy alternative to all the other stuff in the vending machine. Go straight to the source and you’ll see for yourself:

    I eat it for the protein…nothing else in the machine has this much. Also in terms of cholesterol: HDL > LDL.

    But hey, it’s no license to sin!