Quotable Quotations, Part Three

I'm heads-down today trying to figure out a complicated new feature in Whidbey -- working out the differences between the spec and the code is proving to be quite a challenge! -- so today, another entry in my series on the wit and wisdom of the Visual Studio team:

Movie allusions

"This is established 'Alien vs. Predator' folklore."

"I cannot be stopped by mere bullets!"

"Neo could kick Yoda's ass!"

(Please discuss the latter.)

Baby talk

There have been a spate of reproductive successes on my team recently.  Here's what happens when three developers try to coo over a newborn baby:

Developer #1: "Wow, she's like a really tiny human!"
Developer #2: "That's because she is a really tiny human."
Developer #3, aka “dad“: "Yes, she's the human equivalent of a 30% scaled in-place view control."

Not pretty.  (The developers, that is -- the baby was cute.)

Why devs really do need PMs around to keep them in line

Dev #1: "If we pick one of the two interfaces at random, we're going to get it wrong 50% of the time.  Customers aren't going to be happy about that."
Dev #2: "You're a real 'glass half empty' guy, aren't you?  Think of all the millions of times we'll get it right!"

Dev: "Checkin suites are just another hurdle on the road to checking in broken code."

More on the Program Management / Development relationship

PM to Dev: "It is so unpleasant being me using this product.  Jack, we have a date with a spreadsheet."

A PM on the necessity of cutting features vs. slipping schedules: "I have a hacksaw in my office for a reason." 

(It's true -- he does have a hacksaw in his office.  Weird.)

PM: "We need to get this fixed.  I'm going to take this to [name of Microsoft Distinguished Engineer here]."
Dev: "Yeah!  Do it!  Get on his schedule!  Call in all your favours!"
PM: "I already did.  Do you have time to come to the meeting next week?"
Dev: "Whoa -- I don't want to get involved!"

And finally, my personal favourite for this month:

PM: "It's easy to be smart.  It's being right that's hard." 
Dev: "No, it's easy to be smart and right.  It's convincing PMs that you're right that's hard."


Comments (5)

  1. KC Lemson says:

    These are great. I always enjoy poking fun at powerpoint compilers… er, PMs. Tomorrow I have a meeting (that I called) with 3 dev managers, two architects and a test manager. I’m sure they will walk out of the room sniggering at my PM-speak what with all the action items and deliverables. But as long as they do the work on time and with high quality, who cares? 🙂

  2. Sathyaish Chakravarthy says:

    I couldn’t help chuckling at two of the entries from the archives:

    "This feature will take thirty seconds to test." (Spoken by, you guessed it, a dev.)

    PM: "Yeah, I have a four year old."

    Dev: "Really? Since when?"

    Thanks for the laughables in between times.

  3. Andrew Clinick says:

    It’s true I do have a hack saw in my office – it tends to focus the mind during triage quite well 🙂

  4. Eric Lippert posted some funny quotations from people who work with him. One of them stating seemingly perfunctorily, "Neo could kick Yoda’s ass." Well, not being one to back away from a challenge … let’s take a look at this…

  5. Peter Torr says:

    AvP on August 23rd, man. It’s going to rock.

    Guys in rubber suits vs Guys in different rubber suits!

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