Quotable Quotations, Part Two

I'm tremendously excited to learn that Joel Silver is producing a sequel to "Dungeons and Dragons".  That movie was one of the cheesiest, chewiest, goofiest and lowest-grossing episodes of Scripting Goes To The Movies ever, and that's saying something.  Say what you will about the plot, acting, set design and special effects; they certainly did an excellent job of capturing the inherent ridiculousness of the D&D gaming system.  I was particularly fond of Richard O'Brien as a thief who builds elaborate traps for no apparent reason.

Rumour has it that the plot of the new movie is about some evil wizard -- big surprise there -- who steals some black magical orb dingus and chaos ensues. (Which, oddly enough, was exactly the plot of the last D&D game I played, which was some time ago.  Nice to know that the classics never go out of style.) 

I'm breathless with anticipation to see if they can top lines like "People of Izmer: you are now free!!!" 

Speaking of bad dialogue, today is part two of my ongoing series on the wit and wisdom of the Visual Studio Tools For Office team.  (Part one is here.)

"I value diversity -- but -- girls are weird."

"This feature will take thirty seconds to test."  (Spoken by, you guessed it, a dev.)

"Now that is thinking in an entirely different box."

"I'm not Andrew Clinick; you can't whip me like you whip him!"

Devs are smart, but sometimes it takes a moment to deduce all logical consequences of a statement in realtime:

Dev: "I'll schedule you for five o'clock."
PM: "I can't make it then, I have to pick up my kid from day care."
Dev: "I didn't know you had kids!"
PM: "Yeah, I have a four year old."
Dev: "Really?  Since when?"
PM: "Uh… just over four years actually."

And finally, a conversation that sums up the relationship between program management, development and quality assurance:

A PM: "Is there anything I can do for you?"
A Dev: "Go get me a coffee." 
A Tester: "Here, let me taste that for you." 

Comments (11)

  1. PaulCam says:

    I actually unwittingly played out a strange Dev/PM/Test play over in building 9 not too long ago….

    I walked into the kitchen to see one of our local devs (I’m over in Windows Client Core a.k.a. Windows Shell land) working on the coffee machine. In one hand he held the orange spigot lever (which had apparently come detached from the coffee container thingy). He was repeatedly trying to reattach the lever to the spigot, but didn’t seem to be able to. I was in desperate need of coffee, so I offered up my services (I’m a tester). I tried to reattach it once, then started examining the lever itself. I then examined the decaf machine (which to my chagrin was still intact). I compared the lever pieces and said "Ah! I see… This lever is broken." The dev took the lever back from me and resumed his attempts at reattaching it. I was sitting back thinking about how the lever could have broken in the way it had. At about that time, a local PM shows up. He inquired as to the nature of the problem, and expressed his grief at his now lost prospect for more coffee. He watched the dev and I for a couple seconds and then says, "Why don’t you guys email the dining guys to let ’em know it’s broken. Then you can just go get coffee somewhere else." It wasn’t until a full hour later that I realized what had happened. I must say, I had quite a laugh. 🙂

  2. bryan says:

    obviously the dev guy took the lever off to figure out how it worked (probably thought he could build his own free version and keep it at his desk), and in the process broke it.

  3. Peter Torr says:

    That’s why you buy your own coffee machine and keep it in your office 🙂

  4. Peter Ibbotson says:

    I managed to keep a copy of the sinclair quotes file when I worked for one of the spin off companies. A friend posted it online a few years back google has the archive at:


    Some of the jokes in there only make sense if you’re:

    a) British OR

    b) Knew the participants

    but so many of them still ring true even today.

  5. PaulCam says:


    I have one, but we’re packed in so tight over here in 9 that if I try to brew a cup, I trip the circuit. 🙁

  6. Eric Lippert says:

    That brings back memories of a true story about building 16.

    One day about seven years ago, the facilities guys were going from office to office, testing everyone’s electrical outlets because they were getting really weird power conditions on one of the circuits.

    Finally, they knock on one door, open it up and immediately say "Well, there’s the problem…"

    One of the Office devs had six — six! — 300 Watt halogen torchiere lamps. Apparently he liked it warm and dry when he was coding. You’d open that door and a sirocco would waft down the hall.

    Nowadays, halogen lamps are verboten due to the fire risk, but back then, if a hot dry wind was what kept you productive, they’d rewire your office to support the extra load.

    Fortunately the guy’s manager managed to talk him into getting rid of four of them and they never did end up beefing up the wiring.

  7. Brian R. James says:

    I’m soooooo glad that Peter Jackson was able to show the world what a true fantasy movie could be. I shudder to think of another D&D movie being developed.

  8. bryan says:

    "That’s why you buy your own coffee machine and keep it in your office 🙂 "

    it’s that kind of giving in to proprietary coffee brewing mechanisms that have kept the industry in a state of retarded development, if dedicated coffee hackers were allowed to delve into the inner workings of the machines they have access to then coffee makers would be better for everyone, as the saying goes – a rising brew foams all lattes. That this process may regrettably lead to some destroyed coffee makers here and there, and the condition of not having coffee for people who really (if they weren’t such wimps) should be doing industrial quality crank anyway, is umm part of my run-on sentence.

    anyway buddy, it may be why YOU buy YOUR own coffee maker and keep it in YOUR office but it is exactly the reason why I do not buy MY own coffee maker and keep it in MY office. yeah that was my point!!

    damn I need some coffee. wish the coffee maker worked.

  9. Peter Torr says:

    "Liquid crack," my good friend calls it.

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