When I was a teenager, I and a bunch of my more deviant friends would get together every Thursday evening and rent the most godawful horror movies we could find. We kept a running log of the most unintentionally amusing dialog, such as:
“I could easily kill you now, but I am determined to HAVE YOUR BRAIN!”
from “Doctor Butcher: Medical Deviant“, also released under the title “Zombie Holocaust“. This movie proves that the Italians made some of the best cannibal zombie movies in the 1980’s.
“Charge! Once more into the breach, mothergrabbers! Let’s purloin that water!”
from “Exterminators From The Year 3000“, which proves that the Italians made some of the worst post-apocalyptic movies in the 1980’s.
I’ve kept in the habit of writing down ludicrous things people say, and since we have whiteboards along all the hallways here… well, let’s just take a representative sampling of the wit and wisdom of the Visual Studio team:
- “What do you mean ‘we’ll have to cut the feature’? This feature isn’t even on the schedule yet!”
- “Shouldn’t we design this feature before we implement it?” [brief pause] “Ha ha ha ha ha!”
- “It’s not a design change, it’s a design evolution.”
- “I value diversity — but — guys are weird.”
- “No, I can’t tell you what it says in the spec. But I can tell you how I implemented it.”
- “We’re going to QueryInterface the object for a magical IGeoff interface that will allow us to do wacky, incredible things. But I don’t understand how it works yet because Geoff hasn’t told me.”
- “Amsterdam is a great place to go if you’re looking for cheese sandwiches.”
And finally, my new personal favourite advice on how to ship high-quality software on time:
- “Right now, doing the right thing for the product is the right thing to do.”
Truer words were never spoken.