The first time, I thought it was a joke.
When is the proper time to get up and leave the breakfast lunch or dinner table,whether it be with your spouse and childen and or company?
I just figured that one of my readers was messing with me. Then there was another:
My cousin is having an adoption party for her 3 sons that her present husband is adopting. What kind of gift would you give in this case?
I appreciate your feedback….
A quick look at my referrer page shows that I have a bunch of hits coming from Google – 250 or so right now. Turns out that due to my Google Karma, I’m the 8th most popular post on “Miss Manners”.
I ignored this for a few days, until I got the following email last Thursday:
Email address: <deleted>
How does this work…I submitted a question, but I’ve noticed that none of the other questions posted on you site have been answered!!! I asked best way to say “no gifts” please.
Hmm. Ann is serious, and apparently, so are the other 17 people who also asked me questions. Which therefore poses a bit of a dilemna:
Should I answer them?
I mean, I’m not an advice columnist, but many of these questions are pretty easy to answer. For example:
Q: What is the proper language to use in asking your co-workers to support your child’s fundraiser?
A: Such language does not exist. Most co-workers likely have no connection at all to your child, and it’s unfair to ask them to help support something your child is doing, especially in a way that might make them feel like they have to contribute. This is really bad if you’re young and childless and all your co-workers have kids. Friends are another story, though one should also try not to impose.
If there’s a way to post something on a bulletin board or on your desk so that people can offer to donate if they want, I think that’s okay.
Q: What is most polite way to suggest “not” bringing gifts to an adult birthday party?
A: People want to bring something to a party, and if you tell them to bring nothing, they won’t feel as nice – especially if somebody else does bring something.
Two ideas for getting around this:
- Make it a theme party. Ask everybody to bring a different bottle of wine for a wine tasting, or their favorite cheese, or something like that. Something cheap and consumable.
- Do something for charity. Write something like, “Since I have been lucky in life, I don’t really need any presents, so if you wish, instead of a present please bring a blanket to donate to the homeless”. Or do the same with food for a food bank.
The danger, of course, is that I would hit the #1 spot on Google. In fact, merely the mention of “M. Manners” in this post might bump me up.