Oh and the trials and tribulations of the Qantas Club continue, in fact, I’ve decided to start framing my posts as “The QC”, because it’s got about as much drama and bad acting as the T.V show with the similar name.
“So, wtf happened this time Lemfy” I hear you wheeze! I, like most frequent travelers, accumulate many loyalty points. I collect them for flights, accommodation, car hire, hair grease, you name it! Anyway, so I always try to upgrade my flights, for two reasons, the first is I don’t trust Qantas not to steal them from me at the first chance they get (like if I look the other way or fall asleep on the lounge), the second is I like to emit the pungent aroma of importance when I fly, it keeps the great unwashed in their place.
So I scored an upgrade on the way home today from Sydney, and sat next to a fine old gentleman who was clearly as rich as he was old (in fact, he looked older than dirt!!). So we settle in, and he glances over at me, sizes me up, then labors under the weight of his wealth and breathes, “How are yeuh?”.
Dave: Very well thankyou. And yourself?
Old Money: Very well, very well. Just on my way to Melbourne to visit my daughter.
Dave: That’s nice. I’m on my way home.
Old Money: Been on business heh?
Dave: Yep, just over night, but still looking forward to getting home.
So as not to bore you with Pops and my banter, other than to provide you with an example of his politeness and cordiality to me, I’m just setting up. You may be wandering, hasn’t he spotted the tattoo, or the shorts? Nope, I’m in a suit (because of my new gig), and have my good manners on, so he thinks I’m new money or just the progeny of old money! At this point, someone from economy class accidentally stumbles into business class to use the toilet, and is quickly turned away by the air host. This is where things take a turn for the worse!
Old Money: Oh, I bet he thought he would get through.
Dave: Get through what?
Old Money: To use the toilet!
Dave: (Eyebrow raised) Good thing they caught him then, heh?
Old Money: (Taking it seriously) Oh, yes, yes! I mean, I pay good money to fly business class, because, it’s more than just the bigger seats, it’s the atmosphere!
Dave: (Now giving him the wtf look) The atmosphere?
Old Money: Oh, yes! I mean, why do you pay for it!
Dave: I don’t! I comp’d it on points.
Old Money: You “comp’d” it?
Dave: Yeah, I traded points for an upgrade.
Well, I guess I don’t need to tell you how things went then, other than to say I could see my breath after that. Pops was outraged, and made sure I knew. The piece of resistance was when he opened up his paper, and made sure he encroached well into my “space”, then shot me a look as if to say, “What!? You didn’t even pay for it!”. Oh well, next time I’ll make sure I wear my blue blazer with gold buttons and “Captain” hat, and ensure no one finds out about my shame!