I was having a chat with my fiancé today, telling her about a little idea I have for a sitcom. It is very much along the lines of The Office meets Dilbert. What it really is though is a form of career catharsis where by I can purge some of my darkest moments working in the IT industry. I decided I should include a few episode guides for my sitcom, titled “Is it me? Or am I working with the cerebrally damned!”…
Episode #1: What’cha working on their Dave?
After emerging from his office disheveled and wreaking of booze after a tryst with his skanky wife, Dave’s boss decides to perform a pop code review on an unsuspecting Dave. Resting his mammoth gut on Dave’s shoulder, he commandeers Dave’s mouse, and randomly clicks on the IDE design surface while mumbling unintelligibly. Luckily for Dave, the lunch van serves lamb tataya on Thursdays, and the boss’s attention shifts yet again.
Episode #2: I’ve got it! We write a web page that creates a spreadsheet that executes a macro that starts the whole development team crying!
During a JAD workshop, the lead architect proclaims the solution to the on-line application requirement. Dave struggles with the concept of a HTML page that creates an Excel spreadsheet in code from a template that contains an email macro. This macro will email the spreadsheet to a user who will export the spreadsheet into a CSV file, then run a VB6 application to load the CSV file and “pump” it into an Access database for use in reports. Dave introduces the hot lens of the projector to the pale face of the architect, and is promptly relieved of any further meeting facilitation duties.
Episode #3: Did you send me this change request? I’m going to kick your head in!
It’s just another day at “The Department” when Dave’s colleague makes a life limiting move and sends a defect report to an overworked and socially aberrant tester. What ensues is certainly not in any of the Rational/IBM manuals for cohesive team collaboration.
These are some of the highlights of the first 8 years of my career, and I have to thank some of the queerest and misaligned individuals for the memories. As the Carpenters put it, “We’ve only just begun”. Feel free to leave some of your “fondest” memories 🙂