Is your son a hacker [satire]?


This is hilarious

http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html 

Some choice quotes for knowing whether your son is a hacker:

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to
conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new
programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in
your
control panel.
Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place
and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms.
Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world,
and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable
to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away,
and have
trigger locks installed.
You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are
all versions of an
illegal hacker operation
system
, invented by a Soviet
computer hacker
named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the
Cold War. It is based on a program called "
xenix",
which was written by
Microsoft for
the
US government. These programs
are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit
card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their
music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for
writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect
to machines on the internet without using a
telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix"
on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however,
lunix is
a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer,
and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to
have your computer repaired by a
professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the
machine on), your son has installed
lunix.
In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer,
and have them fit a new hard drive.
Lunix is
extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your
hard disk surface.

Comments (23)

  1. gadsandbombs says:

    w00t

  2. gadsandbombs says:

    In my opinion, YOU DONT KNOW CRAP! about what u r talking about. This article INDUCES AND PROVOKES prejudice among hackers and anti-social peoples. I myself am a hacker, and do not play quake, and am not anti-social, and i dont’ own windows. You all act like being a hacker is going to start a school shooting. THINK ABOUT IT! ITS COMPLETELY WRONG!

  3. gadsandbombs says:

    lol ^ a comment i posted on the real site that had this article

  4. |Ex.G| says:

    ?OK Linux isn’t a illegal hacking OS, it’s a Real Operating System used by millions of people

    around the world every day including companies like banks………………. and Companies that

    make Versions of Linux (red hat & mandrake) where the first corporate sponsors of some of the

    biggest companies in the world (like google). and last time i checked you didn’t need to get a

    new Hard Drive to get rid of a version of Linux (read a manual idiot ie: FORMAT C:). and one

    more thing sense when is flash i hacking program, i thought it was for animation. Oh wait IT

    IS!!!!!!!.

    This dudes gonna be real surprised when he gets to heaven and St. Peter Uses his computer

    running Red Hat to check his database to see if he’s been good or bad

  5. Loki says:

    Whoa! I think you need to pull your head out of your ass. sorry for the swearing but come on. Honestly, just because you might be paranoid about everyone being a hacker. Just step back and take your pill a hacker isn’t a bad person if you work in a big office that has an IT tech. ask him he’ll probably say he was a hacker when he was little because actually 96% of IT techs were hackers back in their day! So now just SHUT UP SIT UP AND LET PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THEIR TALKING ABOUT SPEAK HUH?

  6. Loki, you do realize this is satire right?

  7. Ralph says:

    Yeah, I read this thing a long time ago, and it was pretty funny for something that pissed me off so much. o_O

  8. OLIVE says:

    Thank you for teaching us how to hack and what we should do in the case of hacking……Indirectly you are influencing us to become a hacker.I like you…..

  9. i vonta hackalot says:

    poor kid, its not a crime to know!

    I hope his "moddle parent" realises how stupid it is 2 stop his son from learning, yes, he may do a small hack, but who cares, just let him join an ethical hacking contest or something, Hacking can make a good living, and u can learn anything on the internet,damn, ban 4 ever from the computer?!? That’s so stupid….arg i’m dew 2 hacking, that page only tought me how 2 hack better, guide names, hardware,lol. i’m "15" i think kind of sort of, not really, ny way, if any one would help me with my hacking skills,lol (my model parents no i want 2 learn 2 hack and are only helping me)lol, ny way, if any one will help me with my hacking skills, please email me @ ivontahackalot@hotmail.com or instant message me with AIM ivontahackalot , thanks : ) (that poor little fucker ={ )

  10. LAN_MiStReSS says:

    haha..n00b…start reading the jargon file and fix up your inaccurate accusations of hacking ethics.

  11. jl says:

    If your sun are http://66.250.110.201“>http://66.250.110.201 il kill him because this @55 nuked me 900 Times on all the ports you can think off . G0D

    to all the hackers, please please 5Crew this IP http://66.250.110.201“>http://66.250.110.201 make this your hack target and leave microsoft out for a change. LOL

  12. mua hahahaha! says:

    1. why u gotta be prejudice man! 2. give em some slack they learned all about computers and now are using it to do.. illegal.. stuff.. whutever. 3. you are making fun of a lot of people (hackers) . don’t be suprised to find your computer dead one day. 4.that was prtty funny for something that pisses people off. 5. houch ya get da information?

  13. hacker z says:

    thanks for all the information. now i can do more illegal crap!

  14. qw0ntum says:

    Um. Doesn’t it say satire at the top?

    I’m not the biggest MS fan but good God people, let the man have some fun.

  15. anonymous says:

    what are you an idiot? that is a load of bullsh*t go get a life, your probably the only anti social low life that spends all day trying to research this bullsh*t, if you dont understand anything then atleast get into the shoes of a hacker to understand. Lamer.

  16. anonymous says:

    what are you an idiot? that is a load of bullsh*t go get a life, your probably the only anti social low life that spends all day trying to research this bullsh*t, if you dont understand anything then atleast get into the shoes of a hacker to understand. Lamer.

  17. anonymous says:

    T’hee. Folks, It’s fun to hear you flame, but you gotta realize this was written by a knowledgable person as a joke. It was supposed to be stupid and flawed.

  18. Aaoral says:

    THIS GUY NEEDS TO PULL HIS BITE SIZED HEAD OUT OF HIS WIFES ASS AND TAKE HIS FOOT OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND THINK. I mean do some research, thats why you have a computer I mean this guy sounds like he is from windows he hates linux and all good programs and he spouts lies out of all parts of his body and when he said that telnet lets you connect to the internet without a phone he is soo wrong, its called wireless internet once he stop’s having to flip burgers at mcdonalds for a living maby he can goto college and get a better job so he can afford wireless

  19. The Xero says:

    i am outraged

    i have been a linux user for quite a while now

    just about all of the stuff he mensioned about linux is complete rubbish.  linux is not hacking software, you CAN remove it.  whats this about

    In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

    this should never have been writen 🙁

  20. lolzer says:

    oh my gosh, I can’t believe I never realised it…..

    My son’s a hacker….

    I found this program called aim on my computer and asked my son about it and he said he uses it to talk to his friends.

    but I bet it is an elite online hacker trainer!!!

    lol this is a load of bullcrap

  21. asdf says:

    This is pretty funny–you guys do realize that this is a joke, right? (at least, I hope it is; no one’s THAT stupid, right?)

    I have the ability to hack games–it’s really not hard, simply takes a bit of effort and determination–like all things. I don’t run Linux, I’ve never played Quake, and I’m not anti-social.

    Seriously though, I really can’t believe people were insulted by this.

  22. someone says:

    god im lmfao right now

    lunix…….ROFL

    i rile hope this is a joke.

    other wise i feel vary sorry for his son

  23. i need program that i can i read other contacts and freinds from my msn hotmail soo plz can you send it for me on my hotmail or gmail

    kareem_ghabash@hotmail.com

    or kareemghabash@gmail.com

    thanks

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