my new old friends


(personal post)


A few weeks back, I was chatting with a friend about a bad breakup she'd had. She told me how she thought 2005 was going to be her year, and then things just went awry. What she said got me thinking - why do we base our lives so much around people who we don't really know very well. For me, it started with a bad breakup in 2003 (I think it was), followed by another breakup, and things have just gone spiraling out of control. And I've been stuck in this miserable little funk that I so badly want to get out of. Heaven knows I'm not dwelling on those breakups, and I'm sure as hell not thinking of getting back together with my 'exeses'.


I'm in Denver this week, and my best friends (who're kinda married to each other), told me yesterday about how they want to have kids in the next year. K-I-D-S. And that made me realize that everyone around me has grown up, and I haven't, so much. My career's rockin', but I haven't grown personally at all. Here're some other friends who've "grown up" (in random order) :



  • aK moved to London from Sydney early this year. He recently IM'd me and asked me to help him with a dilemma involving two girls, both of who want him. I didn't know if I should be mad at him because I was jealous, or if I should be mad at him for asking me for advice.
  • My ex-roommate got married and moved to North Carolina.
  • My cousin got married, and is moving to London. I'm also pretty sure she's not talking to me because I didn't make it to the wedding.
  • My bestest friend/soulmate is getting married, and is moving to India. Rosh and I have seriously considered getting red-phones, because we're on the phone with each other 24x7. That's gonna change once she moves to India.
  • Matt Bain. Good lord, Matt Bain. Ok, so here's the deal - 8 months ago, Matt is single. 8 months later, Matt is engaged, has a daughter, the cutest dog in the world, and is expecting a baby in a few months. What on earth just happened there?
  • My cousin (this person that I grew up with and who I consider my twin and is 6 days older than I am) had a baby.
  • Su(-licious) just picked up and got engaged. Things just kinda happened man. And now she's all motherly and talking about how the world is a better, safer place. She's in perpetual teletubby land now.
  • Avi, who'd gotten married last year, pinged me on IM yesterday, and told me he had good news and bad news. Bad news - they're pregnant. Good news - he saved some money on his car insurance. Bastard.

I've become a karmic karma do-er. I really am a very nice and sensitive person, and haven't really thought about why I am the way I am for the longest time. And now, I'm doubting myself. I'm thinking, is Karma trying to teach me something? That thing I did back in highscool where I knee'd this one kid, and he swore he'd get back at me (which I'm so unbelievably sorry for man, I wish I could tell you how much), is that coming back to bite me in the ass? And now more so than ever, before I do anything at all, I think about how my actions will affect other humans. Maybe that's a good thing for the universe, but I used to be this instinctive "gunslinger" who once bought a car over lunch. And now I think twice about which mintball I should pick up from the restaurant when I leave. I sit at Chinese restaurants and stare at fortune cookies before I crack them open, hoping they're gonna have something positive to say (the last one read - "Your color - Purple"). Damn you Karma! No wait, sorry, I take that back, you didn't hear that - I love you Karma. Honest. So here I am, stuck in this miserable god-forsaken rut. And I'm pretty sure I'm pretty crazy about this girl (who I know for a fact does not read my blog) and does not know I exist (and is also seriously seeing someone else).


So, happy holidays everyone. Happy holidays.


"ai"

Comments (14)
  1. Meghna says:

    I was reading a few of your restaurant reviews on yelp and my curious side had to click on your blog. Thought evangelism was some christian thing.. well it turns out not.. a new lesson to my technologically oblivious self.

    All of us go through this mini mid life panic when we see people around us just settling down and making babies by the dozen. You can’t help but wonder why is the world around me going upside down and people I grew up with don’t thinking hanging around in a cute little coffee shop is not cool anymore. All I can say is "Ditto" to your entire post.

    Your life is only shaped by the path of your ultimate destiny. Sometimes you need to shovel your way through and sometimes you just find it.

    So if you are really crazy about this girl shovel your way into her life. If that is not possible eternity pool is never never empty.

  2. TaraXOXO says:

    What makes you think I don’t read your blog bitch? 😛

    Talk to you soon!

  3. Jon Sagara says:

    Happy Holidays, dude.

  4. ai says:

    Hi Meghna,

    So if you are really crazy about this girl

    shovel your way into her life.

    Oh trust me I want to. But I know karma’s gonna come back to bite me in the ass later, because this chik is seriously taken. And she’s happily taken too. So, this is not a risk I’m willing to take. It would’ve been a different story a few years back. 😐

    Oh, and Evangelism is a christian thang.

    ai

  5. ai says:

    Hey Tara,

    What makes you think I don’t read your blog

    bitch? 😛

    I know you read my blog beeyoch 🙂 Hint.

    Toodles,

    ai

  6. ai says:

    Hey Jon,

    Happy Holidays, dude.

    Thanks, Jon.

    ai

  7. Meghna says:

    Oh trust me I want to. But I know karma’s gonna come back to bite me in the ass later, because this chik is seriously taken. And she’s happily taken too. So, this is not a risk I’m willing to take. It would’ve been a different story a few years back. 😐

    Well if that is the case, like I said sweetie… the eternity pool is never never empty who knows what Karma has decided to bestow on you. She is out there somewhere. Keep looking…If you want to stop wandering, sometimes love is in your own backyard (if that is what you want).

    Selah!!!

  8. aK says:

    Oi!

    I’m in the same boat as you dude. I haven’t grown up either (only moved location) and I don’t want to yet.

    I say, lets rock on and see where it takes us.

    Also, remember our bet/arrangement? It seems like you’re looking to give me your millions very soon.

    Say "no" to growing up, say "no" to growing up, say "no" to growing up, say "no" to growing up, say "no" to growing up…

    aK

  9. Hey Meghna,

    Well if that is the case, like I said

    sweetie… the eternity pool is never never

    empty who knows what Karma has decided to

    bestow on you.

    So, how does one gain access to swim in this "eterntiy pool"?

    Ahhh, karma.

    ai

  10. Meghna says:

    Re: So, how does one gain access to swim in this "eterntiy pool"?

    Ahhh, karma.

    The Gods’ have informed me that it is your lucky day and your number is up. Why don’t we discuss it over a drink. You know where to reach me.

    Selah

  11. ai says:

    aK,

    Also, remember our bet/arrangement? It seems

    like you’re looking to give me your millions

    very soon.

    Ummm, the bet was $20 (or was it 20 pounds, and where on earth is the British pound symbol on these keyboards). Besides, HELLO! I’m not going to be the one paying up. No way, no how.

    Oh, and merry Christmas man. You have to keep up our new tradition by getting trashed on NYE-Eve (that’s right, new years eve eve).

    toodles,

    ai

  12. I was supposed to be on a trip headed back home last week, but it got canceled (for a variety of different

  13. I was supposed to be on a trip headed back home last week, but it got canceled (for a variety of different

  14. (personal post) A few weeks back, I was chatting with a friend about a bad breakup she’d had. She told me how she thought 2005 was going to be her year, and then things just went awry. What she said got me thinking – why do we base our lives so much aroun

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