Dear Elizabeth
I'm not a big social stigmas kinda guy. I'm immensely tolerant, and can also be occasionally tolerable. But, every now and then, things happen, like Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston deciding to do a movie together, or people just, being themselves when I don't need them to be themselves in places, where they shouldn't be themselves. And then, I lose it.
I went to my favorite coffee place this past weekend, and was waiting in line. What was surprising was the line that was exceptionally long, for a Friday evening. Especially when temperatures have been as insanely high as they have. As an ex-full-time-developer and someone who is now a caffeine addict, I know when I need my caffeine. I know how long I can go without losing it. I wasn't that far away, I could smell my double-shot-mocha-with-soy-no-whip. Only if it weren't for this line, I'd be sipping on my drink right about now. You know after a certain point in time in line, you start counting howmany people are between you and the counter. Then you start getting in to the nuances, like, do I count myself when I include how far I am; for example, am I the 5th person or the 4th person from the counter? And sometimes just as you set your wrist watch ahead 5 minutes so that you can pretend to fool yourself in to thinking that you are "living in the future", you tell yourself that you're not just the 5th person in line, that you're the 8th or 9th, so that when its your turn, you're all like happy and what not. Maybe that's just me. Only probably because I've been waiting in lines for as long as I an remember. So I was playing silly games with myself waiting in line, while all along, my hand was shaking and my mind was just constantly trying to analyze the smell of those lovely turkish coffee beans.
A significant chunk of time later, I found myself to be only one person away from Maya, the cashier. I was almost there. That's when it happened - Elizabeth, the remarkably remarkable woman who was in front of me in line, decides to decide what it is that she wants. And she thinks, and she waits, and she decides to talk to herself and says things like, "you know, I'm lactose intolerant, maybe I should just get some tea instead, but then, I just had some peach green tea with lemon, and tea isn't always caffeinated as much as coffee is, and I really just want some coffee. But its too hot out and a hot drink isn't really what I need right now so maybe I should just get some Mountain Dew instead. But then who gets a Mountain Dew at a coffee shop, right? hahahaha." Right. She decides to think about it. Now, this coffee place rarely sees these kinds of lines. They only have one cashier. She ended up taking about 110 seconds to settle on what she wanted - which was an iced coffee drink of some sort - I don't remember because I think my anger got the better of me, and I blacked out. My question to you now is - what would you have done in a similar situation?
Anywho, dear Elizabeth, I'm sorry I confronted you later and told you that I wish I'd brought my golf clubs with me so that I could follow you back and smash the windows of your car. You can't wait in line for 8 minutes and not have decided what you want when you get to the front of the line - that's just criminal to do. It's one of those unsaid laws. Seriously - the names of the drinks were RIGHT up there for everyone to see and you were waiting in line supposedly staring at the giant board in front of you. Or you could've been looking at the 'specials' board which was right next to the regulars board. You weren't on the phone, I think you were playing with your hair while you were waiting, but seriously, why? Why, Elizabeth? Wow wait a second - its happening again... My eyes are rolling in to the back of my head. My clothes are ripping, and I'm turning green all over. HULK GETTING ANGRY...
(a few minutes later...)
So people, please, for the love of caffeine, please remember - if you've been waiting in line for a long time and haven't settled on the drink or whatever it is that you're waiting in line for, by the time you get up to the counter, we have the right to scream at you. Or atleast turn green and throw people and/or things around the coffee shop. We do.
Currently playing in my head : a 'Ludacris' tune (you know which one)
"ai"
PS: If you're wondering how I know that Elizabeth's name is Elizabeth, then you're looking in to this post too much. It so happens that Maya called Elizabeth's name out, when her drink was ready.