The pressure (of being a jerk)
I came back home from my team meeting which was in Dallas, TX, this evening. After any week long meeting, my brain typically tends to go through its melt down phase. Team meetings typically comprise of day long sessions, followed by evening long sessions. By the end of the week, you've had all of maybe 3.6 hours of sleep (for the whole week), and you catch up on as much sleep as possible on the flight back.
I came home to no food, so I decided to step out for some grub. I went to the tenderloin, had some amazing food, and realized after I was done that I didn’t have enough cash to pay the restaurant. And since I’d been to this place, oh I don’t know, only about a thousand times before, I knew they didn't take credit cards. I was about $6 short. So I gave them what I had, and decided to run to the ATM round the corner to get some more cash. I stood there in front of the ATM, and realized I had forgotten my PIN. I stood there, and I stood there, and I stood there, all kindsa 4 digit numbers coming to mind. The pin to enter my building, different years in the last decade, any 4 digit numbers that were multiples of 9, the expiration month and year of my 64 credit cards, last 4 of my social, last 4 of my boss’s social… obviously it wasn’t any of them. I was drawing a COMPLETE blank. The tenderloin isn’t really a very friendly place. Well, actually the tenderloin can be a rather friendly place, depending on what kinda ‘friends’ you’re looking for. But if you stand in any one spot in the tenderloin for more than 60 seconds, you’ll either be urinated on, or will end up urinating for one reason or another. So I decided to go for a walk to see if I could try to somehow jog my memory and remember my pin. 45 minutes later, I’d walked far and long enough that I ended up near my office on Market & Spear. To my surprise, I saw a movie shoot setup, and saw Orlando Jones being filmed. I couldn’t figure out which movie it was, but clearly I was getting more and more distracted.
I decided to call up my bank to see if they could reset my pin, only to find out that they’re closed from 8pm-10am everyday. So, I walked back to my car, got in, and shamefully just drove back home. I had no choice. And now I feel like a complete jerk because the restaurant probably thinks I ran off on them. Which I totally did, but they don't know why I had to run away.
This week has been a little different for me. I can distinctly remember portions of it becuase they stick out, everything else that happened this week seems like a real blur right now. Incidents that are sticking out from this past week :
- the time I woke up at 7.14am and had to catch the 7.15am shuttle to get in to work
- or when I suddenly realized I was standing on top of a chair, talking in a high-pitch voice trying to emphasize some point to my team-mates
- or the time when my boss told me he saw a picture of Rory sticking his tongue in my ear
- or the time this afternoon when I realized I was having an argument with american airlines staff about which one of us should stop talking and should listen to the other
My memory’s failing on me. On the other hand, I realized the amount of pressure we have to face as human beings. The pressure of having to memorize several different 4 digit numbers. The pressure of having to remember when to pay your bills. The pressure of remembering people’s birthdays. The pressure of having to unpack your stuff after you move in to your new place. And above all of this, the pressure of just being yourself.
Current song in AI’s head : “Wake me up before you go-go” by “Wham”
“AI”
PS: If you're starting to wonder what this has to do with you, well, the answer is nothing, really. I could use some empathy from you however, or maybe even some sympathy. Oh, and maybe also a personal assistant who works for free.